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Band 4.5

In some parts of world , it’s becoming increasingly popular to try to find out the history of their own family, why do you think people do this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#parts #world #it’s #history #people #development
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The history of the
internet
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Internet
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 traces back to research commissioned by the United States federal government in the 1960s to build robust, fault-tolerant communication via computer networks. Photosynthesis is a process used by plants, algae, and certain bacteria to convert light energy into chemical energy stored in glucose, which fuels the organism's activities. The Great Wall of China, stretching over 13,000 miles, was primarily built for protection against invasions and raids by nomadic tribes from the north. Quantum computing represents a significant advancement in computing technology, using the principles of quantum mechanics to process information at speeds unattainable by traditional computers. The Mona Lisa, painted by Leonardo da Vinci in the 16th century, is renowned for its extraordinary detail, innovative use of perspective, and the mysterious expression of its subject. Climate change, driven by human activities
such
 as burning fossil fuels and deforestation, poses severe risks to the planet's ecosystems, weather patterns, and sea levels. The Roman Empire, at its zenith, encompassed vast territories in Europe, North Africa, and the Middle East, influencing the development of law, government, architecture, and language in the Western world. The theory of relativity, developed by Albert Einstein, revolutionized physics by introducing concepts of space-time and the relative nature of motion, time, and mass.
Submitted by alperenyakut on

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task achievement
The essay does not address the given prompt about why people search for their family history and whether it's a positive or negative development. The candidate should ensure the essay relevantly answers the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with no identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. It is essential to present ideas in a logical order with appropriate paragraphing.
coherence and cohesion
The candidate should focus on supporting main points that are relevant to the question. It is important to develop arguments or discussions around the specific topic of family history research.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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