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Band 7

To solve the problem of environmental pollution we need to increase the cost of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#pollution #cost #fuel
There is an opinion in the society that increasing the cost of fuel can solve the environmental issues. I partly agree with
this
 idea
due to
 the fact I believe that
this
 tactic can help mitigate the impact on the environment, but there may be other ways to do
this
. In
this
 essay, I plan to explore a few thoughts of mine about
this
 phenomenon.
Firstly
, the most prominent factor in favour of
this
 point of view is the possible reduction of the number of vehicles fueled with gas, and,
as a result
, the reduction of the exhaust they emit.
While
this
 can lead to less carbon footprint, I still believe that there are more effective measures to deal with
this
 dilemma.
For example
, improving the transportation system through the development of public transport
such
 as trains and buses can lead people to prefer these modes of commuting to private cars. Obviously, our nature will benefit from
this
.
Secondly
, the above-mentioned strategy of higher prices will plausibly cause an additional financial burden on the public.
Moreover
, the higher the price of fuel, the higher the cost of dependent manufacturers, and,
consequently
, the higher the cost of their products.
This
 sounds
doubtfully
Change the word
doubtful
show examples
 to me.
Instead
, governments can include subjects in the school curriculum to foster a responsible attitude towards our planet.
For instance
, various events that will explain to children the advantages of using bikes can result in fewer cars on the streets in the future.
To conclude
, expensive gas can partially solve the problem of pollution.
On the contrary
, governments can maintain more productive politics
such
 as the above-mentioned ones to deal with
this
 scourge of our planet.
Submitted by ruben.kirakosyan on

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Coherence & Cohesion
You've done well in structuring your essay, which supports logical flow. Ensure every paragraph transitions smoothly into the next to enhance readability.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further improve, try incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices and vary sentence structures to avoid repetitiveness.
Task Achievement
Your essay broadly addresses the task, presenting a balanced view with some specifics. For a higher score, strengthen your argument by providing more detailed examples and a deeper analysis of each point.
Language
Incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to articulate your ideas more precisely and make your argument more compelling.
Introduction & Conclusion
Effective introduction and conclusion, providing a clear overview and stance on the topic.
Paragraphing
Good use of paragraphs to separate ideas, making the essay easier to follow.
Main Points Presentation
Properly introduced and summarised main points, aiding the overall clarity of your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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