IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe that athletes, such as football players, are paid too much money. Others argue that they have extraordinary skills and deserve to earn large amounts of money.

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People have different views on how much professional sports players should get paid.
While
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 others assert that their payments are too high for their performance, I firmly believe that they are entitled to earn the amount of money, considering their limited span of careers
as well as
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 the prospect of success. Those who claim that professional athletes earn too much money often point out their extravagant lifestyles. To illustrate
this
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, more often than not, athletes have a tendency to live in a huge house, eating luxurious meals and wearing whatever they would like to put on.
This
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 typical image would spur the public to feel that if they have money to spend on these unnecessary things, they could allocate a proportion of their income to make society better.
Hence
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, reducing their salary should be considered.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly argue that sports players should have the privilege to earn a high amount of income.
To begin
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, their career span is utterly limited.
According to
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 statistical evidence conducted worldwide, the duration of their career ranges from 10 to 15 years on average.
As a result
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 of
this
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, it is challenging for them to have a stable and consistent source of income after reaching the age of retirement.
Furthermore
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, being a professional athlete is far and few between, and involves substantial risks. Take a football player
for example
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,
although
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 it requires a significant amount of effort and time to actualise the dream, the feasibility of realising it is considerably tough.
Therefore
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, there is a risk of their investment being futile eventually. In conclusion,
while
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 some may assert that sports players are inclined to get paid too much, I consider that it is appropriate, in light of their short career spans and low possibilities of being successful.

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task response & coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that clearly states your opinion. This will help guide the reader through your argument effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
task response
Develop your main points by providing specific examples and explaining the significance of those examples. This will support your argument and make it more persuasive.
task response
While your essay presents a balanced view, consider expanding your conclusion to provide a stronger restatement of your main points. This will help reinforce your stance to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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