Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, other say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

#people #crime #background #person #nature

Many people argue that

criminals

who are influenced by their poor background are more likely to commit

crimes

. Meanwhile, other people think that

criminals

are influenced by their genetic reasons.

Although

criminals

cannot control their instincts by themselves, I agree that

criminals

who were taken after by poor

parents

have learned only about

crimes

because their

parents

usually make money illegally way. It is difficult to change someone’s mind and think about their beliefs when they are young. Even though schools teach them, it is far harder to control their instinct themselves.

For example

while

serving their sentence in a Korean jail,

criminals

have many rehabilitation programs

such

as religion, workouts and job education. When they do

this

program, it looks like a positive effect for them, but when they are released from prison, they commit the same kind of crime as their previous crime. Some

criminals

say that when they realise their crime, they do not realise they have achieved it. It means that they commit

crimes

as unconscious.

However

, I do not agree with

this

idea because

criminals

do not commit

crimes

with instinct.

However

parents

who do not have enough money to raise their kids usually commit

crimes

such

as robbery and pickpocketing for their kids and themselves. Under

this

circumstance, their children are badly affected by their

parents

, and naturally, they are familiar with committing

crimes

. When the kids become adults, they begin to commit

crimes

because they are learned only

crimes

by their

parents

For instance

, in a developing country, children whom criminal

parents

raise learn only about

crimes

such

as the way of pickpockets. Under

this

circumstance, they think that it is common in their life.

For

this

reason, they become a more severe criminal in the future. In conclusion, even though controlling instinct is difficult, I agree that if poor

parents

raise

criminals

, they can learn only about

crimes

because

parents

who commit

crimes

earn money in not good way.

Submitted by jiyoonahn99 on Tue Feb 06 2024

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Introduction & Conclusion

Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear, concise, and summarise your main points effectively. This will help the reader understand your viewpoint and the structure of your argument from the beginning to the end of the essay.

Logical Structure

Develop the logical structure of your essay by using linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This enhances flow and makes it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.

Supporting Examples

Include more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. While you provided instances of rehabilitation in Korean jails and the situation of children in a developing country, additional detailed examples and evidence could strengthen your argument.

Paragraph Development

Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that this idea is supported by arguments and examples. Your essay would benefit from a more distinct separation of ideas and further development of each before moving on to the next point.

Task Response

Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Provide a balanced discussion of both views presented in the question and develop your own opinion throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.

Language Use

Refine the accuracy and complexity of your language to enhance clarity. There are some grammatical errors and awkward sentences that could be improved upon. Practicing paraphrasing and complex sentence structures can assist with this.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

327 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, other say that crime is caused by a person's nature. Discuss both ideas and give your own opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Economic growth is one way to measure a country’s success, but what else should we look at? Which do you think is the most important?

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important while other people think that a stable job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones.

Some people think that environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve, while others think that the government cannot solve these environmental problems unless individuals make action. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.