Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views.

#people #money #factor #happiness

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is often thought that some people believe that money is a very important factor in achieving happiness.

However

Linking Words

, some

said

Wrong verb form

say

show examples

that

such

Linking Words

a mindset is not related to people’s emotions. In my opinion, I believe that wealth does affect our emotional state.

This

Linking Words

essay will list the debatable statements of both sides.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the

arguments

Fix the agreement mistake

argument

show examples

supporting the statement is that the richer you are, the better your life will be. In fact, cash does give you plenty of privileges than those who have less.

For example

Linking Words

, public transportation with better hygiene and accommodations will cost you

extra

Correct word choice

show examples

than the other regular public transport.Another example is,that a better hotel would

also

Linking Words

offer more deals to those who can afford expensive rooms. The feeling when we can have things we want will result in our emotions as it can increase our happiness level.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the contra of believing that wealth affects our emotions can turn us into an ungrateful person and hypnotize us into craving higher positions. Craving for more cash can make us forget about the other important aspects of life.

For instance

Linking Words

, we can miss gatherings with our family only because we want to earn more. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

a mindset

had

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

several lacks, I still believe that money does contribute a lot to our feelings. The privileges we can have when we’re stacked with bucks will allow us to explore things and learn new stuff.

Furthermore

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

activity can boost our happiness level.

Submitted by arrafiv on Wed Feb 07 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Thesis

To improve your essay, make sure to have a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the scope of your discussion. This will help in painting a roadmap for your reader to follow, ensuring a logical flow to your argument.

Coherence

Work on connecting ideas more smoothly within paragraphs and between them. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to demonstrate clear relationships between your points.

Supporting Points

Develop your main points further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will ensure that each argument is not only presented but also explored in-depth, supporting your position more effectively.

Examples

While you have provided relevant examples, try to use a variety of specific and detailed instances to illustrate your arguments. This approach shows a greater range of thinking and a deeper understanding of the topic.

Conclusion

Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points of your essay and clearly states your position one last time. It should encapsulate the essence of your argument and provide closure to your discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
In the current society, many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?
Being overweight is one of the biggest health problems that people struggle with today. And this is due to the lack of knowledge about some healthy habits or sometimes it is related to the increased number of junk foods sold in the market. Because of this, the consequences have reached a significant number of people with mental health problems and chronic diseases at early ages.
5
band
You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information:  what kind of business you want to start  how much money you need  the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money
I am Dilya Umarovna staying at Kashqadarya region,Uzbekistan.I am writing to ask for information about the specific requirements in regards to receiving a business loan to invest in my new venture.
5
band
Some people think that the best way to learn about business is to study a course at college or university. Others believe that there are other better ways to learn about business. Discuss both views and give your opinion
The notion that formal education guarantees superior knowledge compared to self-directed learning merits a nuanced response. While traditional institutions offered an undeniable advantage in the past due to limited resources, the democratization of information in the modern era compels a reevaluation.
7
band
In the past, many people got married when they were very young, but today, many people do not get married until later. Why do you think they do this, and is it a good or a bad idea?
There was a trend in the last century to be in wedlock from an early age, nowadays it has become the opposite, the marriage starts at a late age. However, I think that the main reason for this tendency is the life average. Although, this is a bad way to make a family without life's experience and financial independence.
8.5
band
You recently had your computer fixed at a local computer store, however, you are not pleased with the service you received. Write a letter to the store manager. In the letter:  describe the situation  explain why you are dissatisfied  say what you want the manager to do Write at least 150 words.
I took my PC to your store 4 days ago on Tuesday and had it fixed for a charge of $20. However, I am writing to express my strong dissatisfaction with the service I received from a particular technician.

Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views.

Your opinion

In the current society, many people are struggling with obesity. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects?

Some people think that the best way to learn about business is to study a course at college or university. Others believe that there are other better ways to learn about business. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In the past, many people got married when they were very young, but today, many people do not get married until later. Why do you think they do this, and is it a good or a bad idea?