Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving happiness. Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with happiness. Discuss both views.
It is often thought that some people believe that money is a very important factor in achieving happiness.
However
, some said
that Wrong verb form
say
such
a mindset is not related to people’s emotions. In my opinion, I believe that wealth does affect our emotional state. This
essay will list the debatable statements of both sides.
To begin
with, the arguments
supporting the statement is that the richer you are, the better your life will be. In fact, cash does give you plenty of privileges than those who have less. Fix the agreement mistake
argument
For example
, public transportation with better hygiene and accommodations will cost you extra
than the other regular public transport.Another example is,that a better hotel would Correct word choice
more
also
offer more deals to those who can afford expensive rooms. The feeling when we can have things we want will result in our emotions as it can increase our happiness level.
On the other hand
, the contra of believing that wealth affects our emotions can turn us into an ungrateful person and hypnotize us into craving higher positions. Craving for more cash can make us forget about the other important aspects of life. For instance
, we can miss gatherings with our family only because we want to earn more.
In conclusion, although
such
a mindset had
several lacks, I still believe that money does contribute a lot to our feelings. The privileges we can have when we’re stacked with bucks will allow us to explore things and learn new stuff. Wrong verb form
has
Furthermore
, such
activity can boost our happiness level.Submitted by arrafiv on
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Introduction & Thesis
To improve your essay, make sure to have a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the scope of your discussion. This will help in painting a roadmap for your reader to follow, ensuring a logical flow to your argument.
Coherence
Work on connecting ideas more smoothly within paragraphs and between them. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to demonstrate clear relationships between your points.
Supporting Points
Develop your main points further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will ensure that each argument is not only presented but also explored in-depth, supporting your position more effectively.
Examples
While you have provided relevant examples, try to use a variety of specific and detailed instances to illustrate your arguments. This approach shows a greater range of thinking and a deeper understanding of the topic.
Conclusion
Ensure that the conclusion summarizes the main points of your essay and clearly states your position one last time. It should encapsulate the essence of your argument and provide closure to your discussion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?