IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many Western countries there is an increasing number of couples choosing to have no children for study what are the advantages and disadvantages to couples having no children?

#countries #couples #children #study
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It is thought by some that in an increasing number of western
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 more and more
people
 choose child-free
life
.
While
people
 without
children
 have
independent
Add an article
an independent
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life
, they might suffer from loneliness.
Firstly
,
on
Correct your spelling
one
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 benefit of
people
 having
child-free
Correct article usage
a child-free
show examples
life
 is that they can do what they want and live where they want.
These
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is because they do not need to live in one place for a long time and they easily can change work
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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.
Secondly
,
people
 without
children
 can attend universities and improve their skills
in
Change preposition
at
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 any age as they do not need to save money and energy for their
children
.
Thirdly
, it is easier to do charity work and give monetary aid to needy
people
.
For example
, one famous businessperson Alisher Usmanov established the biggest charity organization in our country that helps to
safe
Replace the word
save
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 national heritage and provide free medicine in distant regions of our country.
On the other hand
, one problem when
people
 do not have
children
 is that they might suffer when they become older. When
people
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 older they want to have
restful
Correct article usage
a restful
show examples
life
,
for example
, spending their time with grandchildren and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 care
about
Change preposition
of
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 their houses, but they do not have it.
As a result
, old
people
 feel loneliness,
further
, they become weak and face health problems issues. As they do not have
children
, they have to live in
retire
Replace the word
retirement
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 houses or in hospitals as only there they can get attention and care. In conclusion,
although
 child-free
people
 live for
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 pleasure, they face many problems when they become older.
Submitted by pr6272189 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay could be more structured by better organizing paragraphs with clearer topic sentences that introduce the main idea effectively. Try to use linking words more effectively to improve the flow of your writing, such as 'additionally' or 'however' to contrast points.
task achievement
Include a more distinct introduction with a clearer thesis statement that outlines the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss. Consider developing a more insightful conclusion that summarizes your key points and provides a clear final thought on the subject.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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