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Band 7

There have been many inventions in human history. Some people think the most important thing is the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#inventions #history #people #internet
In
this
 contemporary world, more and more important inventions are appearing. Some believe that among them the
Internet
 is the most essential. I partially agree with
this
 statement and in
this
 essay, I will try to draw some conclusions. On the one hand, it is confirmed that cyberspace is a more necessary device. There are several reasons for
this
 statement. The first one is usefulness in education. If previously students needed to look for information in books and visit libraries. Now it is much more simpler thanks to the net. Students can find absolutely any information that interests them.
Secondly
, convenience in life. People of all ages can find tips on using difficult technology (with sensor settings), how to properly care for pets, what to feed children, how to stop worrying, prepare for exams and increase productivity.
In other words
, the
Internet
 changes our lives in good ways.
Nevertheless
, others argue that behind
this
 invention there are lots of other vital devices
such
 as robotics, advancements in biology and chemistry and electric cars.
To begin
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 the first patent is robotics. Robots
also
 make our lives better. Nowadays, it is not necessary to do household chores as there are robot vacuum cleaners, dishwashers and washing machines, to drive a car by yourself (electric cars, autopilot). And, of course, advancements in areas of science modify our world. Scientists have studied the composition of almost all products, what is useful, what is harmful and what has undergone heat treatment. Astronomy helped to study new planets on which life is possible, and new inventions appeared in
this
 area, telescopes, space stations,
satellites
Correct word choice
and satellites
show examples
. And satellites are the means of communication, without them, the
Internet
 simply would not work. In conclusion,
while
 some say that the
Internet
 is a vital invention in human history, I believe that there is an enormous amount of devices that are useful to our planet.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to support your points. While you've mentioned general ideas, concrete examples can strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Work on expanding the discussion of opposing viewpoints to ensure a balanced perspective is given due weight in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next to improve the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
Your writing demonstrates a good understanding of the topic with relevant points discussed.
coherence cohesion
You have used paragraphs effectively to structure different points and ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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