IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that government grants should be offered to people to encourage them to buy electric vehicles. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In contemporary discourse, there has been a strong emphasis on the sustainable practice. In response to
this
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,
while
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 some argue that the government should subsidise electric vehicles to promote purchases, I am firmly opposed to
this
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 idea in light of other current social issues and the main source and cycle of
grants
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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,
although
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 I acknowledge the importance of environmental sustainability, there are a number of prolonged problems that society has been confronting.
According to
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 a report conducted in Australia in 2020, people who were displaced by predominantly natural disasters
such
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 as floods are still prevalent in certain regions.
Additionally
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, malnutrition and difficulty accessing adequate food on a daily basis are
also
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 serious concerns amongst quite a wide population in the nation.
Hence
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, considering the priority of the issue, there would be far more dire problems that the government urgently must address by allocating finite budgets. Another imperative aspect of
this
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 argument pertains to the source of subsidy, which is generally gathered by tax from general citizens.
Therefore
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, with the introduction, it can be easily expected to put more burdens on taxpayers,
in particular
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, those who are financially struggling to make ends meet.
Furthermore
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, those who consider buying electric vehicles would be more likely to be affulent, indicating that the subsidies will be eventually allocated for them.
Hence
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, not only does enforcing
this
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 new
grants
Use synonyms
 system compound the lives of
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
, but
also
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 they will not receive any benefits.
To conclude
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,
while
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 I profoundly understand the intention of introducing the
grants
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental concerns, I strongly disagree with the statement as there are more prioritised issues and
also
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 the
grants
Use synonyms
 will not impair the standard lives of the poor.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly and fully addresses the question asked. For example, while addressing broader societal issues is relevant, make sure to connect these points directly back to the main topic of government grants for electric vehicles.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows a good level of coherence and cohesion with a logical structure and clear progression of ideas. To improve further, try to link your paragraphs more explicitly to show how they build on each other in supporting your overall argument.
task achievement
To strengthen your argument, include more specific examples and data to support your points. This not only adds credibility to your essay but also clearly demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
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