IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion.

#people #advocate #death #penalty #crimes #punishment #society
It is a common view among the population to consider the punishment
with
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of
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 death for those responsible for
a
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apply
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murder as the best solution in resolving
such
 cases,
while
 others
total
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totally
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 disagree. There are some reasons to consider both
point
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points
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 of
views
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view
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,
however
, in my
opinin
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I consider it should be prohibited to take someone’s life, even though he is guilty.
Instead
, I believe it is better to give them life sentences in order to give them time to rethink
about
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apply
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their actions. On one hand, if the death penalty is included in a system of a country, the government will have the opportunity to save money from the budget that on a daily basis
are
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apply
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put into
the
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apply
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maintaining
of
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apply
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jails and assuring the needs of the prisoners.
Also
, once the law
would become
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became
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 well known to people,
less
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fewer
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 of them would try to disobey, and the number of murder
case
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cases
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 would drop increasingly,
this
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thus
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 leading
furthermore
 to a more secure community and society for all.
For example
, in Saudi Arabia executions are done in order to punish those in charge of serious illegal acts, and in the present
life
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life,
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 the rate of homicide is significantly lower than in other states.
On the other hand
,
a
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apply
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capital punishment is equivalent to a denial of human rights.
Besides
, the process of
an
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apply
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execution is irreversible, which means that in case of a mistake, no one can bring the one punished back.
Also
, if the law of killing the culprit is implemented in the justice system, it can be used as a political tool, in order to assure a governor's affairs.
For instance
, in the Soviet
Union
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Union,
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 it was common to torture and kill the people who broke the law, which
resuted
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resulted
 during the years
to
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in
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 a mass of deaths
judjed
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judged
judge
 unfairly. In conclusion, the justice system should
impliment
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implement
 the death penalty only
in particular
 cases,
such
 as terrorist acts, where a significant number of people are killed.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
Be sure to develop your main points more thoroughly by providing more detailed examples and evidence. While you've offered some examples, such as referencing Saudi Arabia and the Soviet Union, more elaboration on these examples, or including additional examples, would make your arguments more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Work on creating smoother transitions between sections and within paragraphs to enhance readability. Using linking words or phrases effectively can help achieve a more coherent flow throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
For a stronger introduction and conclusion, clearly state your main argument or viewpoint at the beginning and summarise it again at the end. This will provide a more impactful opening and closure to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
What to do next:
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