IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion.

#people #advocate #death #penalty #crimes #punishment #society
It cannot be denied that capital punishment is one of the methods of penalizing criminals, the effectiveness of which can be widely debated.
While
 some people believe it is the best way of punishing the most violent criminals, others suggest that it is not acceptable in modern society.
This
 essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of death sentences and explain why
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should not be used. On the one hand, the death penalty may deter the rest of
possible
Correct article usage
the possible
show examples
 offenders.
Therefore
, it means that people will think twice before committing any serious crime. Obviously, society could become safer
due to
 the fact that fewer individuals may have
attempts
Change the verb form
attempted
show examples
 to break the law.
Furthermore
, there is less expenditure on the maintenance of individuals in prisons.
On the other hand
, the rights of criminals are violated if an execution is held.
This
 is a cruel solution procedure of penalizing the outlaws will not give them a chance to analyze the committed violation, and
consequently
, to change their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Moreover
, the crime rates will still remain high because of the emergence of criminal groups that do not obey the law.
For instance
, despite the existence of capital punishment in Afghanistan and Iran, these countries are believed to be the most dangerous and
corrupted
Wrong verb form
corrupt
show examples
 in the world. In conclusion, the death penalty has both advantages and disadvantages.
However
, I consider that
this
 trend should disappear in the contemporary social environment, owing to the fact that there are more humane and effective methods of punishment.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to strengthen arguments and illustrate points more vividly. For example, you might include statistics or case studies relevant to the death penalty's effectiveness or human rights concerns.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is fully explored and supported with evidence or elaboration. This can help in achieving a comprehensive and well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings which can be polished for clarity. For example, 'solution procedure of penalizing the outlaws' could be rephrased to 'method of penalizing criminals'. Consider reading your essay aloud to catch such instances.
task achievement
The introduction successfully sets up the debate and provides a clear thesis statement indicating the essay's stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay logically divides the discussion into advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view before presenting a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly reiterates the main points and clearly states your opinion, effectively closing the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
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