Some people believe that hard work and determination are the main requirements for success, while others say other factors lead to success. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give a reason for your example and include relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.
The definition of
success
differs for each individual. Some people
believe the keys to success
are determination and hard work, whereas
others see that other factors, such
as wealth, are powerful tools for success
. A determined mindset is essential when encountering challenges, but wealth would also
contribute to success
. Hence
, I stand neutral on both views.
Initially
, people
often associate hard work and success
with the quote, “No pain, no gain.” From this
quote, it is believed that success
doesn’t come quickly. Instead
, people
need to earn it the hard way. Hence
, diligence becomes essential when achieving goals. In Asian culture, we were taught to work hard on everything we want to achieve. For instance
, students must study hard day and night or even more to get good grades. People
neglect the importance of having a determined mindset; it’s easier for them to give up in the middle and fail to achieve their goals.
Wealth consists of the economic capability of an individual and often represents social status. Social status is important because it gives a good impression, but a higher status would eliminate half of the barriers familiar people
usually face. People
born into wealthy families do not have to worry about failure because they have a safety net. This
privilege won’t be relevant for people
who are born poor because sometimes they don’t have the privilege to fail as they have already poured everything into trying. It’s easier for rich people
to try new lines of business as they have the capital. In contrast
, when trying to open new businesses, poor people
must find alternatives, such
as loans from banks or online, which usually have higher interest rates. For instance
, statistics show that the majority who applied for online loans are people
who have lower incomes.
In summary, success
requires lots of factors. Determination is needed to prevent people
from easily giving up when achieving goals. However
, having the capital would pave the way to success
.Submitted by zefanyagyu on
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Task Response
Elaborate more clearly on your personal opinion. Though you mentioned standing neutral on both views, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into why you believe both factors are equally important, providing more specific examples and reasoning to support your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you've managed to structure your essay logically with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To further improve, ensure transitions between paragraphs and sentences are smooth, which aids in the flow of your narrative. You could benefit from using a wider variety of linking words and phrases.
Task Achievement
In regards to task achievement, you have addressed the prompt by discussing both views and providing your stance. To enhance your score, ensure that each point you make is followed by detailed, specific examples. These examples should be clearly linked to the point made, showcasing a direct impact on success. Expanding on your examples with more detail and how they relate to your central argument will strengthen your essay.