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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, secondary schools aim to provide a general education across a range of subjects. In others, children focus on a narrow range of subjects related to a particular career. Which do you think is appropriate in today’s world?

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Whether middle schools should provide students with a variety of subjects to learn or concentrate only on certain fields for their
future
Use synonyms
 careers is an important issue nowadays. In my opinion, the latter is far more proper since today's world has become extremely competitive and requires high qualifications to get a job. Take my older brother, Jason,
for instance
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. Jason developed a clear interest and ambition in asset management when he studied at elementary school. Afterwards, he enrolled in a middle school focusing on business and economics, gaining a lot of basic knowledge before entering a prestigious university. Meanwhile, he frequently reached out to the lecturer to ask about what practical skills he could learn on his own and what activities were worth participating in.
As a result
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, Jason knew every detail of his
future
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 career, including networking skills, resume formatting, and interviews typical questions. He
finally
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 got an asset management internship at Morgan Stanley and received a return offer during his senior year.
On the other hand
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, I studied a wide range of subjects at secondary school,
although
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 I had already known that I wanted to become a dentist
then
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. It turned out to be a waste of time for me to learn irrelevant knowledge, like how Newton discovered the gravity law or when industrialization began. What is worse, I had to meet the minimum requirements on exams for graduating, so I spent almost all my weekend time cramming for those subjects, which did no good for my
future
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 career as a dentist. In conclusion, focusing on a particular subject earlier can enhance students' competitiveness in the job market, thereby helping students to get their dream job in the
future
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.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that
this
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 policy is more appropriate in today's world.

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task achievement
Ensure to present both sides of the argument, even if you favor one over the other, to provide a complete response.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing a brief overview of both educational approaches in the introduction for clearer context.
task achievement
The personal examples provided effectively illustrate your main points and give credibility to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay ends with a clear and concise conclusion that reinforces your stance, exemplifying effective coherence.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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