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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that Art gives our lives meaning and purpose. Others believe that it is merely a distraction from real life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #art #lives #purpose #distraction #life
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The
last
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 few decades have seen heated discussions about the importance of
arts
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 and how can affect on population.
Although
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 some
people
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 believe that
arts
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makes
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make
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 life
meaningfully
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meaningful
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 and vital, others
people
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 argue that it ignores
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lives . In my opinion , the importance of
arts
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 depends on
people
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's perspective and their capability to express themselves. On the one hand , those who support the
arts
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 claim that they have several reasons . First ,
Arts
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 are considered a perfect way to express.
For instance
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, many
people
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 do not have the capability to express their ideas and beliefs because they lack interpersonal and communication skills and they have social anxiety .
Therefore
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, they found that painting and singing are manners to express inside emotions and intentions.
In addition
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 ,
Arts
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 play key roles in conveying cultural norms and cultural traditions .To illustrate , It conserves ceremonies and rituals handed down between generations to maintain the fabric of society .
Besides
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arts
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 have diverse shapes
such
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 as handicrafts , fine
arts
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, songs and sculptures that make
people
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 evolve them to generate profits in simple methods.
On the other hand
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 , there are segments of
people
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 who believe that
arts
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 is insignificant. Primarily, the
arts
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 are essential but there are several objects that should be highlighted on it.
In other words
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 , meeting
people
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's basic needs should be a priority
to
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for
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 authorities and the provision of facilities and services.
For example
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 , enhancing the healthcare and education system is more crucial than the
arts
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. In conclusion, there are arguments on both sides of the debate about the effect of
arts
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 on folk and society. Governments must ensure steps are taken to make a balance between supporting luxury aims and
people
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's needs.
Submitted by rawanzoubi3 on

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Task achievement
Refine your introduction and conclusion to be more concise and clear, directly stating the essay topic and your position. This will make it easier for readers to understand your main arguments and overall perspective.
Task achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensive nature of your ideas by developing your points more thoroughly. Consider expanding on your examples, providing more detailed explanations, and linking them directly to the question.
Task achievement
Incorporate specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. This not only helps in illustrating your points but also in making your essay more persuasive and engaging.
Coherence and cohesion
Ensure your essay has a logical structure by organizing it into clear, distinct paragraphs—each focusing on a specific point. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect your ideas and paragraphs, which will help in achieving a more coherent and cohesive essay.
Coherence and cohesion
Introduction and conclusion paragraphs should clearly define the scope of your discussion and neatly tie up your main points. Make sure these sections of your essay are well thought out to leave a strong impression on the reader.
Coherence and cohesion
Support your main points with well-developed examples and explanations. This not only strengthens your argument but also ensures that your essay is cohesive, with each part contributing to your overall thesis.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aesthetic
  • cathartic
  • cultural tapestry
  • expressionism
  • fleeting
  • introspection
  • monetary value
  • nostalgia
  • profound impact
  • socioeconomic
  • subjective perspective
  • visceral response
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