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Writing Samples
Band 7

Obesity is becoming a major problem in many countries. What are the causes of this problem, and how can it be solved?

#obesity #countries
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Obesity is becoming a serious
problem
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 in many nations. It is a crucial challenge that must be solved for human beings. In my opinion, the diet of individuals on a daily basis and the lack of
exercise
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 are the main causes of
this
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problem
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. So, we will talk about the reason why the obesity rates are increasing and how we can overcome
this
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problem
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 in
this
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 essay. Recently, many
people
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 have become obese and
this
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 is a serious
problem
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 that can cause other diseases,
such
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 as chronic diabetes and fatigue effects. There are plenty of reasons for that. The first
problem
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 is that
people
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 don't
care
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 about their diets.
People
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 live in a hectic world, so they usually have greasy and non-nutrient fast foods or frozen meals, which are not good for their health.
Also
Linking Words
, someone has a sweet tooth, so they have been having a lot of sweets, which causes weight, particularly, in their childhood. The second
problem
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 is that they don't
exercise
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. They need to take
care
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 of their body health,
however
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, most
people
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 don't have time to go to the gym or run outside when they get off work.
For instance
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, many news reports report the
problem
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 of the lack of
exercise
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 in modern society.
People
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 should not only take
care
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 of the food they have but
also
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 do
exercise
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 daily. They need to consume less junk food and frozen meals and more healthy dishes and vegetables like salad, and homemade meals, which concern their bio.
Therefore
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, they can consume well-structured nutrients through their meal.
People
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 need to go to the gym or run at least 3 times a week.
Furthermore
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, governments and companies should encourage
people
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 to
exercise
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. In conclusion, obesity is causing a lot of problems,
such
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 as chronic diabetes and fatigue effects. In
this
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 hectic modern society, they need to take
care
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 of their mental and physical health themselves.
Submitted by oyj1798 on

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Task Response
To enhance task achievement, try using more specific examples and data, like statistics, where relevant to make your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that every sentence logically connects to the previous one, further strengthening the flow of your essay.
Task Response
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, discussing both causes and solutions to obesity.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, presenting the problem and summarizing potential solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is clear, leading the reader through your argument step-by-step.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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