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Band 5

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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In today's fast-paced and modern world, there is a growing concern that the true meaning behind traditional or religious
festivals
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 is being overlooked. It is often argued that during festival periods,
people
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 nowadays are solely focused on enjoying themselves rather than understanding and appreciating the deeper significance behind these festivities.
While
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 it is true that the nature of
celebrations
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 has changed over time, I partially disagree with
this
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 viewpoint.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that the way
people
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 celebrate
festivals
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 has evolved significantly. In the past, traditional and religious festivities were primarily
centered
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centred
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 around rituals, customs, and religious practices.
However
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, in recent times, there has been a shift towards a more leisure-oriented approach where
people
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 indulge in activities that bring them joy and happiness during these occasions.
This
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 change can be attributed to various factors
such
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 as globalization, cultural exchanges, and changing societal
values
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.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that the notion of
people
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 solely seeking enjoyment during
festivals
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 is an oversimplification of the situation. Despite the evolving nature of
celebrations
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, many individuals still value and understand the significance of these
festivals
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. Religious
festivals
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,
in particular
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, hold deep-rooted meaning for believers as they serve as a reminder of their faith,
values
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, and cultural heritage.
Moreover
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, traditional
festivals
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 often provide an opportunity for families and communities to come together, fostering a sense of unity, shared
values
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, and social cohesion.
Furthermore
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,
while
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 enjoyment may be a prominent aspect of modern
celebrations
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, it does not necessarily imply a lack of understanding or appreciation for the festival's meaning. In fact, enjoying oneself can serve as a means of
honoring
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honouring
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 the traditions and history associated with these festivities, as it enables individuals to immerse themselves in the spirit of the occasion. In conclusion,
while
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 it is true that modern
celebrations
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 are often focused on enjoyment rather than the deeper meaning of traditional and religious
festivals
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, I disagree with the notion that
people
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 have completely forgotten their significance.
Festivals
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 continue to hold an important place in
people
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's lives, serving as a reminder of their culture,
values
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, and heritage

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task achievement
To improve your essay in terms of task achievement, make sure to address the prompt more directly. Clearly state your position on the given statement at the beginning and reiterate it in the conclusion. Furthermore, to enhance this aspect, you can include more specific examples supporting your arguments throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on creating a more logical and smoother flow of ideas. This can be achieved by organizing paragraphs around a single central idea and using a variety of linking words to connect sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more distinct and directly connected to each other as well as to the body paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commercialization
  • Globalization
  • Cultural dilution
  • Traditional values
  • Secularization
  • Festivity
  • Heritage
  • Individualism vs. collectivism
  • Consumer culture
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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