IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that only talented children can become successful musicians or athletes in the future. Others believe that children can be taught to succeed in music or sports. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #musicians #athletes #future #music #sports
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It is often thought that only talented
children
 can become successful musicians or athletes.
However
, some people believe that they can be taught to succeed in music or sports. In
this
 case,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 prefer to agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the second statement, saying that
children
 can be taught to succeed in nonacademic things.
This
 essay will discuss the debatable statements of the issue given. A growing body of research
suggest
Change the verb form
suggests
show examples
 that parents give their
children
 knowledge in nonacademic things
such
 as playing instruments or being in a
gymnastic
Fix the agreement mistake
gymnastics
show examples
, mainly because it can help
children
 to grow their interest and talent.
Such
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talent can be used by them to win competitions and will result in their
children
's character
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
. It can
also
 help them in entering college, they can submit their certificates for the college to consider them. The second point to emphasise is that art and sport are things that can be learned.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 talents from within
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them in growing faster, there is no reason that it cannot be learned by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 and consistency.
Talents
Fix the agreement mistake
Talent
show examples
 only supports the
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
show examples
, not deciding the career of a musician or
athletes
Fix the agreement mistake
athlete
show examples
.
For instance
, there is a chance that someone who
plays
Wrong verb form
has played
show examples
 piano since they were young get defeated by
them
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who learned and
practice
Wrong verb form
practised
show examples
 later in life. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young kids are developing, they can be
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
 to master in arts or even sports.
Hence
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that by practicing and consistency, they can
also
 determine their
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
 in their career.
Submitted by arrafiv on

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Introduction
Begin by clearly stating the topic and the points of view you will discuss. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
Logical Structure
Use paragraphs to separate your ideas. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences. This will improve the flow and structure of your essay.
Linking
Include a variety of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This enhances the coherence of your argument.
Task Response
Clearly address both views presented in the prompt before offering your own perspective. This ensures a complete response to the task.
Supporting Main Points
Support your main ideas with specific examples or reasons. This makes your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
Conclusion
Revise your conclusion to better summarize your main points and clearly state your opinion. This reinforces your argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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