IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

#people #media #right #lives
There are
individuals
 who hold the view that publishing details of
individuals
' lifestyles and personal activities is one of the rights of
media
.
However
, others assert that we should restrict these publications. On the one hand, one of the merits of delivering news related to
individuals
' personal
lives
 for
media
 companies is the positive effect on sales of their publications, as many readers hold significant interests in the private
lives
 of celebrities,
such
 as sports players, parliaments, and a variety of artists.
Subsequently
, these impressive topics lead to immense sales of magazines and newspapers, thereby bringing more profit to
media
 enterprises.
Moreover
, the
media
 industry has the evidential right to publish news based on their collection of
information
. In practice, there are severe cases in which
this
 detailed news reveals critical facts,
for example
, sexual abuse and fraud caused by celebrities.
On the other hand
, disseminating personal
information
 would be beneficial for some
individuals
, who are eagerly looking for a higher position in their popularity.
However
,
while
 the right to free journalism plays an important role in contemporary society, excessive interviews and untrustful
information
 damage the mental health of famous
individuals
, as it is difficult to protect their
lives
 from countless criticisms by audiences.
Furthermore
,
such
 inadequate
information
 possibly causes detrimental effects, particularly on the younger generation, who are not mature enough to comprehend truth and social manners. In summary, publishing detailed
information
 about famous
individuals
'
lives
 brings merits and demerits to the
media
 industry, celebrities, and readers.
Although
 freedom of journalism should be protected appropriately, spreading untrustful and detrimental
information
 needs to be controlled to protect every individual's mental health and well-being lifestyle.
Submitted by taekojb77 on

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance without ambiguity. Try starting with a broader context before narrowing down to the thesis statement.
Body Paragraphs
Support your main ideas with more specific examples and evidence. While you have included examples, further elaboration would strengthen your argument.
Sentence Structure
Enhance the clarity of your essay by varying sentence structures and using linking words appropriately to guide the reader through your argument.
Conclusion
End your essay with a more impactful conclusion that reinforces your main points. A strong conclusion will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Language Proficiency
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