IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amount of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brough up by wealthy parents. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amount #money #adult #life #brough #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Children
Use synonyms
 who are brought up by wealthy
parents
Use synonyms
 are more likely to not be able to deal with their
problems
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who came up from
families
Use synonyms
 that do not earn that much are better at solving their
problems
Use synonyms
. I completely agree, most
children
Use synonyms
 from rich
families
Use synonyms
 rely on their privilege to deal with the
problems
Use synonyms
. Most of the
parents
Use synonyms
 from wealthy
families
Use synonyms
 are likely to spoil their child. Their
parents
Use synonyms
 believe that parenting gives their
children
Use synonyms
 more motivated to be independent.
However
Linking Words
, wealthy
parents
Use synonyms
 commonly have their own privilege. If their
parents
Use synonyms
 over parent them, childrens know they have their own privilege. So,
children
Use synonyms
 use the benefit to deal with their
problems
Use synonyms
 in adult
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 makes them struggle to pass through all
problems
Use synonyms
 in future.
Besides
Linking Words
 that,
children
Use synonyms
 who are brought up in
families
Use synonyms
 that do not have large amounts of money used to solve their
problems
Use synonyms
 on their own, without depending on their
parents
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 situation gives
children
Use synonyms
 more independence and makes them able to surface all grapples in their
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many rich
families
Use synonyms
 did not give special treatment to their
children
Use synonyms
.Teach their
children
Use synonyms
 to put more effort to solve their
problems
Use synonyms
.Finds the solution by their own way and not expect help from their
families
Use synonyms
 that can be impactful for their
problems
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 make their
children
Use synonyms
 not illustrates the sandwich generation, which still lean their
life
Use synonyms
 and financial from their
parents
Use synonyms
.Meanwhile,
children
Use synonyms
 who came up from short of money
families
Use synonyms
 are more likely to ease their problem because they think if they solve their
problems
Use synonyms
 can not change their
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Make sure the introduction clearly presents your thesis statement, and the conclusion effectively restates your arguments and position. This helps readers understand your stance from the beginning and reminds them of your main points at the end.
supported main points
Provide clear, specific examples to support each of your main points. This not only strengthens your arguments but also helps the reader understand your position better.
logical structure
Ensure your essay has a clear, logical structure with well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and follow with sentences that are directly related to the main point. Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth to maintain flow.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas fully. Ensure each paragraph offers a clear point that relates to your overall argument, backed up with evidence or examples. Expanding on your ideas will help demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
Use specific, relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. These examples can be from your experience, observations, or general knowledge. They should directly support the point you're making and help illustrate your viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: