IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people tend to take temporary jobs (they only work for few months of years )for they have time to do other things. Do you the advantage outweigh disadvantages.

#people #jobs #work #months #years #time #advantage
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
By having a permanent job some valuable seasonal positions may be lost during the year,
this
Linking Words
 assumption is hold by some individuals. Despite difficulties to finding temporary jobs, more benefits make a tendency to doing
this
Linking Words
 and gain more. On the on hand, throughout the world, in many countries, tourism industry has generated numerous occupations, which are just available in specific months -
for example
Linking Words
, retailers in warm seasons.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it is normal amoung the public to prefer acquiring potential benefits in these times and look after another vacencies when vibrant times, which are result of tourists, is finished.
For instance
Linking Words
, the costlines just are crowded when acceptable tempreture for the crowd,
as a result
Linking Words
, selling ice-creams and cool drinks is a temporary work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of the issues that make workplaces stressful is responsibility. To be responsible for duty accomplishment or for equipment may lead to urge to eluding employment and permanent positions. Meanwhile, when people find out they will not be in authori for anything in not-always position, absoloutely prefer change their job in a year. To examplify
this
Linking Words
, AI offices is the best model, they provide some vacencies which workers are not in charge for system errors or colleagues failours.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 freedom come with more relaxation at workplace. In conclusion, changable jobs and working just a few month of a year contribute to achieving more advantages than drawbacks, doing lucrative activity in special times and eliminating anxious from jobs are important to mention in
this
Linking Words
 idea.
Submitted by amirhossein7179 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the task and provides relevant examples. Try to develop your main ideas further with more detailed explanations to improve clarity and comprehension.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences and a conclusion or summary sentence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices to connect ideas and paragraphs coherently. Also, revising sentence structure and punctuation will enhance the flow of your writing.
Language Accuracy
Be careful with spelling and grammar. Minor errors can distract the reader and affect the overall clarity of your message. Consider revisiting grammar rules and practicing writing to improve.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: