Some people think that schools should concentrate on academic classes,because they are helpful for future career,and they think music and sports classes are not useful.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that academic
subjects
should be the main focus of education because they are beneficial for
carrers
Correct your spelling
careers
carriers
in the future,
whereas
subjects
like
music
and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
classes
should be disregarded.I disagree that
music
and
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
classes
are not useful,because
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
are
also
very important for the development of their
life
. Perhaps the most compelling reason why academic
classes
are prioritized is because of successful
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
in their examination. By focusing on academic
classes
, they are able to achieve their
desirable
Replace the word
desired
show examples
result. It is important to lead them into good
University
Fix the agreement mistake
Universities
show examples
and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
to get
a bright jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a bright job
bright jobs
show examples
later in
life
.
However
,
concentration
Replace the word
concentrating
show examples
only
academic
Change preposition
on academic
show examples
studies would reduce not only their skills but
also
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mind-numbingly boring
feelings
Correct the article-noun agreement
feeling
show examples
,which has a bad impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
their future
life
.
On the other hand
,there are many advantages of
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
classes
.
To begin
with,
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
subjects
give a relaxing environment. Participating in sports keeps children physically fit.As we know,A sound mind lives in a sound body.So,sports
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not only
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
show examples
environment but
also
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
them to be a healthy person.
Secondary
Replace the word
Second
show examples
,
music
classes
are the mind refreshing
classes
which
removes
Change the verb form
remove
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
all stress in their mind and
also
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
to increase their IQ level.
Additionally
, it is more beneficial for mental health. So,the importance of
spirts
Correct your spelling
sports
spirits
and
music
classes
are undeniable. My opinion is that,
although
academic
classes
are important for good results,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
additionally
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
classes
are as important as
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
for
Correct pronoun usage
ones for
show examples
a better
life
prospect.
Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance the logical structure and make your arguments more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Try to conclude each body paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the main point and relates it back to the essay question. This will improve support for your main points and enhance coherence.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic and briefly outlines the main points that will be discussed. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate a wider variety of specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments and provide a more comprehensive response to the task. Additionally, make sure these examples are directly relevant to the points you're making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: