Some people think that schools should concentrate on academic classes,because they are helpful for future career,and they think music and sports classes are not useful.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #classes #future #career #music #sports

Some individuals believe that academic

subjects

should be the main focus of education because they are beneficial for

carrers

Correct your spelling

careers

carriers

in the future,

whereas

subjects

music

and

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

classes

should be disregarded.I disagree that

music

and

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

classes

are not useful,because

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

are

also

very important for the development of their

life

. Perhaps the most compelling reason why academic

classes

are prioritized is because of successful

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

in their examination. By focusing on academic

classes

, they are able to achieve their

desirable

Replace the word

desired

show examples

result. It is important to lead them into good

University

Fix the agreement mistake

Universities

show examples

and

provides

Correct subject-verb agreement

provide

show examples

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

to get

a bright jobs

Correct the article-noun agreement

a bright job

bright jobs

show examples

later in

life

However

concentration

Replace the word

concentrating

show examples

only

academic

Change preposition

on academic

show examples

studies would reduce not only their skills but

also

giving

Wrong verb form

give

show examples

them

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mind-numbingly boring

feelings

Correct the article-noun agreement

feeling

show examples

,which has a bad impact

Change preposition

show examples

their future

life

On the other hand

,there are many advantages of

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

classes

To begin

with,

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

subjects

give a relaxing environment. Participating in sports keeps children physically fit.As we know,A sound mind lives in a sound body.So,sports

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not only

provides

Correct subject-verb agreement

provide

show examples

enjoyable

Correct article usage

an enjoyable

show examples

environment but

also

benefits

Correct subject-verb agreement

benefit

show examples

them to be a healthy person.

Secondary

Replace the word

Second

show examples

music

classes

are the mind refreshing

classes

which

removes

Change the verb form

remove

show examples

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

all stress in their mind and

also

helps

Change the verb form

help

show examples

to increase their IQ level.

Additionally

, it is more beneficial for mental health. So,the importance of

spirts

Correct your spelling

sports

spirits

and

music

classes

are undeniable. My opinion is that,

although

academic

classes

are important for good results,

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

additionally

non academic

Add a hyphen

non-academic

show examples

classes

are as important as

academic

Fix the agreement mistake

academics

show examples

for

Correct pronoun usage

ones for

show examples

a better

life

prospect.

Submitted by Aafuankazinatoshi on Fri Feb 16 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the flow of your essay. This will enhance the logical structure and make your arguments more coherent.

coherence cohesion

Try to conclude each body paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the main point and relates it back to the essay question. This will improve support for your main points and enhance coherence.

task achievement

Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic and briefly outlines the main points that will be discussed. This sets a clear direction for your essay.

task achievement

Incorporate a wider variety of specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments and provide a more comprehensive response to the task. Additionally, make sure these examples are directly relevant to the points you're making.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

247 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people say that governments are responsible for dealing with environmental issues. other people believe that it is the individual's responsibility to take action to protect the environment.
Nowadays, almost 90 percent of the world is facing environmental problems,such as air pollution, water pollution and global warming. Most people believe that governments are responsible for dealing with environmental issues. While there is a different segment of society which believes that individual's are responsible to take action to protect the environment. This essay will look into both points of view.
<4
band
The graph below the contribution of three sectors _ agriculture _ manufacturing and business and financial services _ to the UK in the twentieth century.
The graph outlines the contribution of some categories, agriculture, manufacturing and business and financial in the UK economy and money services in the 20th century.
6.5
band
Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion
Modern technology plays a crucial role in creating a borderless society, regardless of language. Some commentators argue that technology also has separated us from the real world. In this essay, I will examine both perspectives and provide my opinion on this matter.
6.5
band
Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.
Nurturing animals in captives has always been an issue for a lot of people. However, certain groups believe that there are advantages for both the animals and humans provided by it. I personally think that keeping the animals in captivity, in most cases, is helping the animals.
8.5
band
In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extend do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
The last 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the longevity of humans in various parts of the world. Yet, there remains some disagreement as to whether this is a positive or negative trend. While there are valid arguments to the contrary, in this essay I would contend that the advantages of the ageing population are incomparable with its drawbacks. Two of the primary reasons for this are as follows.

Some people think that schools should concentrate on academic classes,because they are helpful for future career,and they think music and sports classes are not useful.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that governments are responsible for dealing with environmental issues. other people believe that it is the individual's responsibility to take action to protect the environment.

The graph below the contribution of three sectors _ agriculture _ manufacturing and business and financial services _ to the UK in the twentieth century.

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion

Some people feel that it is always wrong to keep animals in captivity, for instance in zoos. Other people say that there are benefits for the animals and for humans. Discuss both sides of this debate, and give your personal view.