IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

#parts #world #festivals #celebrations #measures #counter #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Every year numerous local and international
festivals
 and celebrations are hosted to represent countries with their unique cultures and customs. In the contemporary era, the urge to maintain those indigenous
events
 has been diminishing in some countries, posing a formidable threat to the very existence of some trends. I contend that globalisation is a chief culprit which yields the biggest influence over the young generation to steal their attention from these traditional
events
. First and foremost, for centuries traditional
festivals
such
 as Rio Carnaval and New Year's Eve; have been viewed as a way of celebrating a particular activity that bears significant value for the local residents.
However
, in the present,
this
 trend is being underscored by communities regardless of how engaging these
events
 really are. Owing to the globalisation impact, people are becoming more gravitated towards modern cults, disregarding the importance of ethnic
festivals
 and celebrations. To cite an example,
although
 the Novruz holiday used to be extravagantly celebrated for seven consecutive days by everyone in Azerbaijan, today almost a single juvenile recalls these rituals and celebration activities as they are busy with their devices at home. Undoubtedly, as a direct result of abolishing these cultural
events
, many ethnic minorities will be one step closer to being completely vanished from the world.
Moreover
, it is
also
 true that these regional
festivals
 may not be as attractive to adolescents as they are to seniors. Thereby, the existing status quo must be challenged by a new disrupter to tailor these activities so that they can be the centre of students' curiosity.
For example
,
initially
, the Halloween celebration was all about wearing frightening clothes to scare people. But, just in order to make these activities ever-lasting and captivating to the kids, people came up with an idea to add something that children indulge in; sweets. In conclusion, despite local celebrations experiencing significant devaluation by the public, efforts
such
 as adapting to the changing trends by blending in with new technology can revive
this
 foregone spirit.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Your essay demonstrates a good structure, but emphasize transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
Insert a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your main points more effectively.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your arguments. You provided some examples, but incorporating a wider range of detailed instances could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Expand on the discussion of potential measures by offering a wider variety of solutions, considering other perspectives, and explaining the impact of suggested measures in greater detail.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional festivals
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • folklore
  • cultural tourism
  • intergenerational
  • homogenization
  • commercialization
  • intangible cultural heritage
  • community engagement
  • awareness
  • revitalize
  • cultural diversity
  • educational programs
  • governmental support
  • logistical support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: