IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims in life is mostly a question of luck? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#someone #life #luck
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The biggest confusion for human
being
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beings
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 is to find
purposes
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purpose
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 in life as
its
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it's
it is
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 full of
uncertainty
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uncertain
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future
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futures
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.
While
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 some people think it
happen
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happens
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 because of luck, I believe that there are several reasons why
human
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a human
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 can achieve their objectives in
this
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 life. The main reason
of
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for
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this
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 is they
able
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are able
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 to acknowledge their passion by
explore
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exploring
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 everything. Indeed
this
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 journey is very challenging and each of us has different obstacles;
however
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, ones who
exposed
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are exposed
show examples
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to
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by
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to
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 various activities and fields will gain
Correct article usage
a higher
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higher
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a higher
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
possibilities
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possibility
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possibilities
show examples
Change preposition
of
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in
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of
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 finding their aims.
For instance
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, when students want to decide
their
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on their
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 major, they will reflect
from
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on
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 their previous experiences in learning activities
likewise
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 acting in theatre class, and practicum in chemical class.
Thus
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, it is paramount to always have
curiousity
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curiosity
 about everything,
instead
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 of only
learn
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learning
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 about one subject.
Moreover
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, diligence plays a pivotal role in
this
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 process since
ones
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one
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 should have
a learner
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a learner character
learner characters
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characters
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characteristics
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 and resilience
skill
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skills
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.
For example
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, Steve Jobs
need
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needed
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 almost a decade before Apple became popular
in
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apply
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worldwide. If he did not have resilience
skill
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skills
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, he would
gave
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give
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 up
everytime
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every time
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 he faced failures and the world
could
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would
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 not enjoy his products until these days.
This
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 has proven to everyone that finding our true passions
did
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does
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 not appear
over a night
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overnight
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 and it requires hard work to maintain the goals. In conclusion, individuals’ aims in life did not rely on luck, it came from diligence and several journeys
instead
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.
Therefore
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, I am firmly convinced that
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due
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apply
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to achieve end goals, people should have strong
characters
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character
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.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure your essay has a clear logical flow from introduction to conclusion. Link paragraphs effectively using transitional phrases.
task achievement
Elaborate your introduction by directly addressing the essay prompt and stating your opinion clearly. This sets a strong foundation for your argument.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, restate your main points and opinion more forcefully to reinforce your argument and provide a clear closure.
task achievement
Increase task achievement by ensuring every paragraph directly contributes to answering the essay question. Avoid deviating into less relevant areas.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your argument more compelling and engaging for the reader.
task achievement
Ensure your examples are directly tied to the points you're making for clearer and more impactful argumentation.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aims
  • determination
  • resilience
  • opportunities
  • effort
  • planning
  • unpredictability
  • innovation
  • perseverance
  • perception
  • sustainability
  • adaptation
  • networking
  • initiative
  • random chance
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