In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Some youngsters are facing more
pressures
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pressure
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to
study
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hard on their learnings and have little free
time
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.
This
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essay intends to discuss the causes of these pressures and recommend some solutions to tackle the problem. These days, it is common to see young people complaining to their
parents
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about not having enough leisure
time
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or explaining how it is tricky to
study
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under high pressure. In fact, the vast majority of
parents
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want their
children
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to do well and be one of the most successful
students
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among their peers,
thus
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, they prefer individual classes with brilliant tutors at private schools rather than public.
Moreover
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,
students
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are frequently forced to participate in extra classes that do not tickle their fancy or if
parents
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discover their
children
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doing nothing, they probably ask them to take up a sport. By doing
this
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, they just steal the child's
time
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, leaving him/her with no
time
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to relax. On top of that, more and more
parents
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want their
children
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to
study
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in the sphere that they found to be important, meanwhile, ignoring the interests of youngsters.
Apart from
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this
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, only a few
students
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that the university will accept, make young people
study
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hard and abandon everything in the cause of education.
However
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, there are some solutions which can help to overcome abovementioned problems.
Parents
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should take a day or even a month off
so that
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apply
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to consider carefully
about
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apply
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the future of their
children
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,
moreover
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, they should
finally
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understand that the interests of a child are the most important
one
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ones
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in order to build a prosperous career. In that case,
parents
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should just have realistic expectations from their
children
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, giving
time
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to them to get into it.
Furthermore
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, expanding the university places would
also
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help
students
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to digress for something else and gently prepare for the upcoming exams.
Thus
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,
to sum up
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, it would be wise to comment that
this
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issue will become more serious unless the government and
parents
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take measures to prevent
this
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.
Otherwise
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, pressures may ruin the physical and mental growth of
children
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.
Submitted by Nivashini_16 on

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task response
Expand on the provided examples to strengthen your arguments. Instead of briefly mentioning the pressures faced by young people, delve deeper into each cause, discussing its implications in more detail. This will enrich your essay and make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding more connective devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases such as 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'Consequently' can help to link ideas more smoothly and enhance the coherence of your essay.
general
Try to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to make your writing more interesting and dynamic. Mixing complex sentences with simple ones can add variety and keep the reader engaged.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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