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Band 6

In some countries, young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #people #leisure #time #pressure #work #studies
Some youngsters are facing more
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
 to
study
 hard on their learnings and have little free
time
.
This
 essay intends to discuss the causes of these pressures and recommend some solutions to tackle the problem. These days, it is common to see young people complaining to their
parents
 about not having enough leisure
time
 or explaining how it is tricky to
study
 under high pressure. In fact, the vast majority of
parents
 want their
children
 to do well and be one of the most successful
students
 among their peers,
thus
, they prefer individual classes with brilliant tutors at private schools rather than public.
Moreover
,
students
 are frequently forced to participate in extra classes that do not tickle their fancy or if
parents
 discover their
children
 doing nothing, they probably ask them to take up a sport. By doing
this
, they just steal the child's
time
, leaving him/her with no
time
 to relax. On top of that, more and more
parents
 want their
children
 to
study
 in the sphere that they found to be important, meanwhile, ignoring the interests of youngsters.
Apart from
this
, only a few
students
 that the university will accept, make young people
study
 hard and abandon everything in the cause of education.
However
, there are some solutions which can help to overcome abovementioned problems.
Parents
 should take a day or even a month off
so that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to consider carefully
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the future of their
children
,
moreover
, they should
finally
 understand that the interests of a child are the most important
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 in order to build a prosperous career. In that case,
parents
 should just have realistic expectations from their
children
, giving
time
 to them to get into it.
Furthermore
, expanding the university places would
also
 help
students
 to digress for something else and gently prepare for the upcoming exams.
Thus
,
to sum up
, it would be wise to comment that
this
 issue will become more serious unless the government and
parents
 take measures to prevent
this
.
Otherwise
, pressures may ruin the physical and mental growth of
children
.
Submitted by Nivashini_16 on

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task response
Expand on the provided examples to strengthen your arguments. Instead of briefly mentioning the pressures faced by young people, delve deeper into each cause, discussing its implications in more detail. This will enrich your essay and make your points more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Consider adding more connective devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases such as 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'Consequently' can help to link ideas more smoothly and enhance the coherence of your essay.
general
Try to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to make your writing more interesting and dynamic. Mixing complex sentences with simple ones can add variety and keep the reader engaged.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high expectations
  • academic success
  • future success
  • competitive nature
  • modern education systems
  • top grades
  • prestigious universities
  • high-paying jobs
  • rise of technology
  • social media platforms
  • physical activities
  • relaxation
  • extracurricular demands
  • multiple responsibilities
  • economic factors
  • lower-income families
  • part-time jobs
  • academic pressures
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