IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays
entertainers
Use synonyms
 get paid more than
politicians
Use synonyms
. what are the reasons for
this
Linking Words
? is
this
Linking Words
 a negative or positive development?* It is often said that people in the entertainment industry mint money. In fact, in
this
Linking Words
 day and age, they are getting paid more than a statesman.
While
Linking Words
 there are multiple reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend, which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development because
politicians
Use synonyms
 have a more important role and responsibilities in our society than
entertainers
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, celebrities and artists make a substantial amount of money simply because they are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
salesperson
Fix the agreement mistake
salespersons
show examples
. Their work generates more sales and
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 the earnings and profit they make,
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
will be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the amount paid to them by producers and investors. To illustrate, 15
minutes
Correct your spelling
15-minute
 performance
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Shakira, a renowned vocalist, at the Super Bowl halftime show, alone generated
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
revenue of 480 million dollars, from which she received a hefty amount for that single show. Another reason,
in addition
Linking Words
, is that celebrities do not become rich and famous overnight. They struggle throughout their career to develop their skills and earn their name worldwide in the entertainment world.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they think it is rightful to demand extravagant
sum
Fix the agreement mistake
sums
show examples
 for
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 exceptional talents and hard-earned
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, performers and celebrities getting paid more than a Statesman, in my opinion, is a negative trend because
politicians
Use synonyms
 are the elected leaders who determine the course of our lives and shape our society. They have a tough job and high responsibility of conducting the state affairs and planning and implementing state policies that are beneficial for us
such
Linking Words
 as education and health reforms and social welfare.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if they are paid less than some mere
entertainers
Use synonyms
, it will be demeaning and demotivating for them and their profession.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
entertainers
Use synonyms
 strive to earn
name
Correct article usage
a name
show examples
 and generate handsome revenue
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their act, I am of the opinion that it is a negative development to pay them more than
politicians
Use synonyms
, as it is demotivating for them to put more effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 public welfare.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, try to present your ideas more specifically and offer a broader range of examples to underpin your arguments. Also, make a balanced discussion on both aspects of the development being positive and negative, when the question prompts for evaluation.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, enhance the logical flow of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Attempt to link your ideas more explicitly to create a stronger argumentative thread throughout your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • endorsements
  • revenue streams
  • global presence
  • diversified branding
  • income sources
  • free-market principles
  • market value
  • government budgets
  • public funds
  • public perception
  • value generation
  • bureaucratic
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: