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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people are of the opinion that children should be awarded for good behavior: others think they should be punished for bad behavior discuss both views and give your opinion.

Awards and punishments are often opted for parenting. Some individuals believe that
children
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 deserve an award for good behaviour
while
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 others argue that bad behaviour is worth a punishment.
This
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 essay will look at both views and explain why a combination of the two is the best way forward.
To begin
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 with, awarding the young will make
children
Use synonyms
 feel appreciated.
This
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 is because the good actions that they take are being seen as valuable by parents.
For example
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, parents rewarding their kids with treats after helping their parents with the chores gives a greater likelihood that the
children
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 will repeat the same action.
Subsequently
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, youths are motivated to do more good things as they know that they will be rewarded afterwards.
This
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 will
also
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 lead to greater goods, including their rising social awareness and diligence. Punishing
children
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 for their misbehaviour will decrease the rate of young people committing offences. If
children
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 are taught that there are consequences for their actions, they will most likely avoid doing awful behaviour.
For instance
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, punishments
such
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 as spanking, time-outs, and detention will
grow
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 fear among
children
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.
Furthermore
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, punishing
children
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 does not only teach
children
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 that they should not misbehave but
also
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 establishes tough and strong personalities.
To sum up
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, awarding and punishing have been long recognised as ways to teach
children
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. Giving a reward is generally meant as an appreciation
while
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 giving punishment is a sign of a warning. In my view, both actions should be taken into account for raising
children
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, as they are evidently advantageous.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure that your ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next with clear and purposeful transitions. This could be achieved by using connecting phrases that relate back to the main topic or the previous point.
Task Achievement
For improved task achievement, aim to provide a balanced discussion of both views throughout your essay before clearly stating your opinion. Make sure your opinion is supported by specific reasons or examples.
Language Use
Incorporate more varied and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. This complexity will not only show your linguistic ability but will also enrich the reader's experience.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples by giving more detailed scenarios or outcomes. This will help in providing a deeper understanding of your main points and reinforce your arguments.
General
Remember to proofread your work to catch and correct any minor errors or inconsistencies in grammar or punctuation. This attention to detail can significantly improve the overall quality of your essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • positive reinforcement
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • punishments
  • negative actions
  • consequences
  • fear
  • resentment
  • balanced approach
  • accountability
  • minor infractions
  • positive conduct
  • deter
  • understanding of right and wrong
  • excessively
  • learning environment
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