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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

For schoolchildren, their teachers have more influence on their intelligence and social development than their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #teachers #influence #intelligence #development #parents
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In "Gestalt" theories, a psychologist's school of thinking, there are many influencing factors of social development. Certainly, It's true that
teachers
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 have an important influence on the intelligence of children, but it's not correct to think it is only the
teachers
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' responsibility. In
this
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 essay, I will explain what is my opinion about
this
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 question. First of all,
teachers
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 and parents have an essential role in the good growth of children. As I wrote, Gestalt theories think that all types of environments are crucial; If one
child
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 grew up in a dysfunctional family and he goes at good school,
this
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child
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 would be aggressive and insecure.
However
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, if
this
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child
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 has a perfect, functional family, where all people pay attention to him, but his classroom is dysfunctional, most probably
this
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child
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 may have social difficulties, and fewer relationships. About my experience, I grew up in a small family; we are my dad, my mum and, I. My parents gave me many attention, and they made me more and more happy.
Furthermore
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, They were cooperative with me when I committed mistakes.
For
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this
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 reason, I was a quiet
child
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, I respected all people and, now I'm smart and I've got many relationships. Unfortunately, in my classroom, there was one teacher who had suffered from nervous anorexia, and
this
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 was terrible for me because she bulled me about my body.
Finally
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, I think that it is not true that only
teachers
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 have the responsibility for a
child
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's development and intelligence. I think that it is essential for children to have a good environment who grew up.
Submitted by bollinielisa4 on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction, and reiterate it in the conclusion for a more powerful impact.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Begin with a topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence if needed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to smoothly guide the reader through your arguments, improving the flow and understandability of your essay.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This adds credibility and interest to your arguments.
General
Review and correct grammatical errors and ensure your word choices are precise to improve clarity and professional tone.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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