IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Deforestation is considered one of the major environmental problems. What are the causes and effects of deforestation? What solutions can be put in place to address it?

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It is often argued, that the significant issue of the environment is
deforestation
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.In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the causes of
this
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 problem like
overpopulation
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 and crop production
as well as
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, possible solutions related to
deforestation
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. Start with the causes of
deforestation
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, the major cause is
overpopulation
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, the population of the cities is growing day by day and because of
this
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,
people
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 are cutting
trees
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 to make their settlements
Besides
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this
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,
overpopulation
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 leads to an increased demand for houses, food and shelter that's why,
people
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 are ruining forest to fulfil their needs.
for example
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, 10% of hectares are lost
due to
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overpopulation
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 every year.crop production is another reason for
deforestation
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 because a large amount of land is converted into agriculture and
this
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 is
due to
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 more food consumption.
For instance
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, in one research it has been shown that between 2010 to 2018, 49% of the land has been converted to agriculture in the
overall
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 world. Moving toward the solution to
deforestation
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firstly
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, plant more
trees
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 in a community, individuals can plant new
trees
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 to replace the ones that were cut down
however
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 they can
further
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 stop cutting
trees
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.
People
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 can do
this
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 by taking new initiatives and through global organisations.
secondly
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,
deforestation
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 can be stopped by policies and regulations set by the
government
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.The
government
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 should control
deforestation
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 by making policies that depress agricultural rent
for instance
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, in Africa, there is a scheme for the development of forest protection.
Hence
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government
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 and
people
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 should pay attention to minimising
deforestation
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.
To sum up
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, some origin may affect
deforestation
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 like
overpopulation
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 and crop production
therefore
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, the
government
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 should reduce them by making policies at the international level.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance coherence by ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim for a more structured introduction and conclusion that clearly outline the main points discussed in the essay, and summarize them efficiently.
Task Achievement
Provide more precise and well-elaborated examples. The examples should directly support your points and be more specific.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas to ensure they are thoroughly developed and clear. This might involve discussing potential counterarguments or broader implications of the issues noted.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions to deforestation, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task requirements.
Task Achievement
The essay attempts to provide examples to support the main ideas, showing engagement with the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear effort to organize the essay logically, with sections dedicated to causes and solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is an attempt to conclude the essay by summarizing the main ideas discussed, which helps in maintaining a text structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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