Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

#people #money #happiness #importance

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In recent times,

money

has been a necessity for livelihood. In contemporary society, wealth is not only considered a status symbol but

also

a parameter for measuring the happiness of a person. Many

people

believe that financial assets are a

source

of happiness for everyone,

while

others argue that wealth can not be compensated for everything. I agree with the statement to some extent that financial stability is of paramount importance for achieving a secure future which can be a

source

of joy for some

people

However

, the emotions of a person cannot be manipulated by these factors. It is

also

true that love and respect can not be earned by having monetary assets.

This

essay will expound on both sides of the argument and

also

support the opinion that

money

cannot buy everything by providing examples. On the one hand, there is no doubt that wealth can make anyone feel superior and respected in today's world. There is a famous saying that "

money

is power" which is true to some extent. No doubt, the majority of

people

measure success by fame, power and social status in society which can only be achieved by

money

this

day and age. Because everything is associated with

money

in recent times, many

people

consider only financial security a

source

of comfort and joy.

On the other hand

, no one can manipulate someone's emotions.

In addition

, destiny is something which cannot be controlled by

money

For instance

, there is no guarantee of life in

this

unpredictable world. You cannot make every dream true by having financial security and fame. In consequence, I believe that financial security can give pleasure to some

people

but not everyone considers it the only

source

of joy. Some

people

cherish

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

interpersonal relationships more than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

financial aspects.

Submitted by sb101tahirgul on Wed Feb 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear argument and discusses both sides of the issue comprehensively. However, to enhance the task achievement score, aim to include more specific examples from personal experience or observable facts to support your points. This could make your argument more convincing and grounded.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a good structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further improve coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence can make your argument easier to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

300 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

facilitation
foundational
comfort
financial stability
pursue hobbies
passionate
fulfilling
satisfying
financial security
peace of mind
mental well-being
fostering
social connections
fulfillment
material possessions
lasting memories
satisfaction
diminishing returns
wealth
translate
significant

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. Why do you think it is happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?
These days, it is increasingly common that more and more people decide to go abroad for a better lifestyles and workplace environment. This tendency is given rise to by several reasons and I believe this brings more harm than good to people.
8
band
In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?
Smoking has been banned in public places like parks, hospitals and restaurants in many nations, and it is a law that many people support. I agree with this initiative because it reduces the harmful effects of passive smoking and also encourages smokers to quit.
6
band
Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?
In modern times, individuals prefer to have their own company and work for themselves rather than join an organisation. I believe this thing is due to the fact that working for yourself is much easier and has some cons for individuals which no one can deny, however, there are some pros which need to be discussed like a lack of salary and no insurance.
6
band
Some people believe it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?
In today’s society, the notion that older individuals should persist in their professional roles if capable has garnered substantial support. I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective, as it not only benefits the economy but also enhances the well-being of the elderly.
<4
band
The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.
The bar graph illustrates the percentages of households owning and renting accommodations in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011.

Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people leave their home country and go to other countries to live and work. Why do you think it is happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Some people believe it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?

The government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatment facility in order to protect the envirnonment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.