Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

#people #money #happiness #importance

In recent times,

money

has been a necessity for livelihood. In contemporary society, wealth is not only considered a status symbol but

also

a parameter for measuring the happiness of a person. Many

people

believe that financial assets are a

source

of happiness for everyone,

while

others argue that wealth can not be compensated for everything. I agree with the statement to some extent that financial stability is of paramount importance for achieving a secure future which can be a

source

of joy for some

people

However

, the emotions of a person cannot be manipulated by these factors. It is

also

true that love and respect can not be earned by having monetary assets.

This

essay will expound on both sides of the argument and

also

support the opinion that

money

cannot buy everything by providing examples. On the one hand, there is no doubt that wealth can make anyone feel superior and respected in today's world. There is a famous saying that "

money

is power" which is true to some extent. No doubt, the majority of

people

measure success by fame, power and social status in society which can only be achieved by

money

this

day and age. Because everything is associated with

money

in recent times, many

people

consider only financial security a

source

of comfort and joy.

On the other hand

, no one can manipulate someone's emotions.

In addition

, destiny is something which cannot be controlled by

money

For instance

, there is no guarantee of life in

this

unpredictable world. You cannot make every dream true by having financial security and fame. In consequence, I believe that financial security can give pleasure to some

people

but not everyone considers it the only

source

of joy. Some

people

cherish

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

interpersonal relationships more than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

financial aspects.

Submitted by sb101tahirgul on Wed Feb 21 2024

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task achievement

The essay presents a clear argument and discusses both sides of the issue comprehensively. However, to enhance the task achievement score, aim to include more specific examples from personal experience or observable facts to support your points. This could make your argument more convincing and grounded.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a good structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To further improve coherence and cohesion, try to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence can make your argument easier to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

300 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

facilitation
foundational
comfort
financial stability
pursue hobbies
passionate
fulfilling
satisfying
financial security
peace of mind
mental well-being
fostering
social connections
fulfillment
material possessions
lasting memories
satisfaction
diminishing returns
wealth
translate
significant

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Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Fresh water has always been a limited resources in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand, and what measures can government and individuals take to respond to this problem.

Today people do less exercise. Some people believe that conducting sporting events such as the Olympics or World Cup encourage people to live healthy while others indicate that there are various other methods to remain healthy. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get the locals to visit museums and historical sites more