IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Write about the following topic: The internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #internet #communication #media #people #support #development #effects
Over more than two decades, the internet
media
 industry has grown significantly and brought plenty of benefits to our lives. Anyway, some people believe that
this
 progress has downsides as well. It is obvious that people around the world have an opportunity to interact instantly with each other no matter how far away they are.
For instance
, tools like Facebook become not just a communication device, but a place for anyone to find new friends, and jobs, help others, etc. As an example, a friend of mine was the owner of a shelter for animals which had to take care of a significant amount of cats and dogs. Over time, the population has grown and it became quite difficult to keep up with
this
, it got harder to feed them because the specific food was required which was not cheap. So I have decided to publish the advertisement for the aforementioned application.
As a result
, he was able to cover the money needed in less than a day.
On the other hand
, it is hard not to agree with the claim that the
media
 services have drawbacks. The number of entertaining content grows in an unregulated way, which is ok, and it is a key driver for the industry to develop
overall
.
However
, it leads to a situation where anyone can spread any type of content with harmful information. Even worse,
this
 information may not be true.
Consequently
, a lot of young people and children, consuming
such
 data, start to believe in what they have seen and mimic some actions which are potentially dangerous to their lives and health. In conclusion, the advantages of social
media
 give us a variety of choices in day-to-day life, and more importantly, the ability to help others.
Nevertheless
, we should not forget about filtering the
media
 streams and threats the industry incorporates by adding more control to production companies.
Submitted by serginio.nick on

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task achievement
To enhance task response, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Consider elaborating on your own opinion more explicitly within the conclusion, integrating it seamlessly with the discussion of both views.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence by ensuring that paragraphs clearly transition from one to the next. Use a wider range of linking phrases to ensure that the flow between ideas within paragraphs, and between paragraphs, is more seamless.
coherence and cohesion
For better cohesion, balance your essay more evenly. While discussing both views, ensure that your opinion is interwoven throughout the essay rather than predominantly at the end. This will make your stance clearer to the reader throughout the entire piece.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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