IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important to be concerned about international events, even if those events have no direct impact on our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is a common belief that it is not necessary to aware of world
events
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 as long as they are unlikely to directly impact
on
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apply
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our lives.
However
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, I firmly believe that we should keep up with
events
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 occurring in other
countries
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.
This
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 is because knowledge of international
events
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 allows nations to provide support to other
countries
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 and even come up with solutions to their own problems.
To begin
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 with, being concerned about international
events
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 enables people to help other citizens of the world. Humanitarian crises, natural disasters and conflicts are, unfortunately, frequent occurrences in many places around the globe. By paying attention to these
events
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, it is possible to share resources to assist others in times of need.
For instance
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, the 2008 earthquake in Sichuan, China, caused a lot of damage.
However
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, a quick reaction from the international community helped China rescue more victims than they would have been able to save if they were working alone.
Also
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, many
countries
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 donated large amounts of money to make repairs throughout the region.
This
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 aid made it easier for local people to deal with the tragedy. On top of that, keeping up with world
events
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 leads to a better understanding of how to deal with problems that could occur in our own society. Many societies face similar issues, and looking to see how other states failed or succeeded can provide guidance toward better solutions. Korea,
for example
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, faced a dilemma when the number of migrant workers increased rapidly. Some of them suffered from poor treatment,
while
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 others remained in the country without a visa. After looking at international examples from
countries
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 like the UK and Germany, which have experienced a similar problem in the past, the Korean government was able to introduce laws to protect the rights of migrant workers
while
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also
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 reducing the number who overstayed illegally.
To sum up
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, understanding what is occurring in other
countries
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 makes it possible to help others and provides useful information that can be used to solve problems at home. For these reasons, it is important to maintain an interest in
events
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 occurring in other
countries
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.

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Task Response
Pay close attention to the prompt and ensure that your essay sufficiently addresses all aspects. Your essay should specifically discuss the necessity of being aware of international events, closely tying each argument and example back to this theme. Make sure your response is complete and fully deals with the questions or statements posed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While you've established a clear structure, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Additionally, consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, which strengthens your arguments. To improve further, focus on expanding these examples with more depth and detail. Also, consider adding personal reflections or broader implications to make your examples even more impactful.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • concerned
  • international events
  • direct impact
  • awareness
  • global understanding
  • empathy
  • indirect impacts
  • informed
  • global issues
  • contribute
  • solutions
  • ignorance
  • narrow-mindedness
  • cultural insensitivity
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