Buying things on internet such as books air ticket and groceries is becoming more and more popular .Fo advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantage.

The purchase of items
such
as books, air tickets or groceries on the Internet is becoming more widespread.
This
essay will demonstrate that online shopping is extremely convenient for everyone,especially for people who are feeling not good to go and buy that stuff ,
however
,
this
causes a great number of online frauds. On the one hand, buying things online is very comfortable.
This
is because a person can get his needs in any kind of condition by the click of a button.
This
means that even if the individual is sick and struggling to go, he can order it from anywhere.
In addition
,they do not need to take a long flight in order to get the wanted stuff, as delivery lasts only a few days.
For example
, in Kazakhstan, everyone is ordering from an app called Kaspi, as they bring that item quickly from other cities just in 2-3 days.
On the other hand
, a lot of people are getting defrauded online.
This
is caused by virtual thefts who make fake accounts to sell things which they do not even have, by sending a link .
Hence
, the uninformed population believe them and translates their money to them.
For example
, in 2011, a vast majority of people got robbed by scammers on the app called OLX , as they sent them a link which demanded a password of the bank account of the customer and by getting their code they could easily steal cash, what's more, the monetary damage was approximately 21 million tenge. In conclusion, online shopping offers individuals comfort, in the meantime, it
also
causes a lot of online thefts.
Submitted by aizered097 on

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task achievement
Try to further elaborate on the points made in your body paragraphs. While you did a great job on the introductory and concluding sentences, adding more details and justifications would enhance your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between your ideas and paragraphs. Your essay would benefit from slightly more explicit linking words and phrases such as 'Moreover', 'Additionally', and 'Furthermore'.
coherence cohesion
Focus on varying your sentence structure to avoid repetition and to keep your writing engaging. Try to combine shorter sentences to create a flow and avoid using repetitive phrases.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples such as 'Kaspi' in Kazakhstan to illustrate your points, this adds authenticity and relevance to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Clear and relevant introduction and conclusion that appropriately frame your essay and address the prompt well.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is evident with a clear distinction between the pros and cons of online shopping. This makes your essay easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • E-commerce
  • Convenience
  • Inventory
  • Price comparison
  • Customer reviews
  • Sustainable shopping
  • Cybersecurity
  • Tangible verification
  • Instant gratification
  • Local economics
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