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Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, one of the most important things in personal and professional
lives
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 is to take
risks
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, whose benefits outweigh
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 drawbacks like making progress in both
lives
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 which leads to a successful
life
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. On the one hand, taking
risks
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 in professional
life
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 not only has a lot of advantages in making progress
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 it affects personal
life
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 straightly. First of all, the risk is the main cause of development, letting you do some things that you are scared of normally.
For instance
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, if you want to risk and invest your
money
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 in some organizations, you will experience considerable changes and profits.
In addition
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, you can expand your communications and learn more things which is effective for better job opportunities and salaries. On the other, professional
life
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 influences personal
life
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. If you have more income, you will travel more and gain experience, which is followed by an improvement in your mental and physical health.
For instance
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, to hire a tutor for your diet or exercise, keeping you as fit as a fiddle.
Moreover
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, you will have a good trainer in your meditation. If you have an unwinding mind, you will be more effective in your professional
life
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 because you have more concentration.
However
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, taking
risks
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 might have some danger in both
lives
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.
Firstly
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, if you take a lot of
risks
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 in your
life
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 you might lose your
money
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 which has some drawbacks in your personal
life
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.
For example
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, if you want to make more
money
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 as soon as possible, you will invest your
money
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 in stocks which have the potential to tribble your income,
while
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 it is high-risk, and you may lose your
money
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.
Additionally
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, if you lose
money
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, you might get depressed and some mental diseases, like being pessimist about everything, so you give up and it ruins your normal
life
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 too. But if you do not try your chance in
life
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 by taking
risks
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, how your potential to make a better future for yourself will be found. In conclusion, even though taking
risks
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 can have some unexpected results, almost it has numerous positive developments in your personal and professional
lives
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion. The logical flow from one paragraph to the next is generally clear. However, you can further enhance it by using a broader range of cohesive devices and transition words to better link ideas and paragraphs together.
task achievement
While your essay provides a comprehensive response to the topic, integrating more specific examples and evidence will strengthen your arguments. Consider using real-world situations or personal anecdotes to make your points more relatable and impactful.
overall
For a higher score, work on developing your ideas more fully. Each paragraph should contain one main idea, supported by detailed explanations and specific examples. This will not only enrich your essay but also demonstrate your ability to think critically about the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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