Many people are busy with work and do not have enough time to spend with family and friends. Why does this happen? What are the effects of this on family life and society as a whole?
One thought of school holds that present day, most
people
becoming more and more involved with work leads to having less time
to devote quality time
to their relatives including family and friends. There are several reasons behind this
trend and the influences on family life and society brought by this
phenomenon.
On the one hand, a wide range of factors are responsible for those who do not have adequate time
to allocate to their family and friends. One reason for this
situation is that they spend the most time
every day in the company. Due to
the fact that there is a large number of tasks which require them to complete instantly. This
can result in making them tired after a work day surrounded by tasks and documents, so what things they want to do is rest instead
of devoting time
to gathering with people
who are important to them. Furthermore
, some people
contend that it is necessary to make appointments with the workmates to go to eat and go to the coffee shop. Since it is a great way to up close and strengthen the bonds among colleagues. Therefore
, seem to spending time
with their relatives is hard.
On the other hand
, this
problem has given rise to a host of alarming issues. First and foremost, a lack of time
to allocate family and friends is a direct consequence of weakening the bond between them and the people
they love being around, this
is because that insufficient interaction and connection among each other. Not only that, this
problem creates an indifferent community. For instance
, for those who have limited exposure to their relatives, it is too hard to share personal emotions. Consequently
, shaping them into the person without empathy, caring, and compassion for others. Such
a drawback can be especially detrimental to society nowadays.
In conclusion, there is a variety of causes for this
problem which impacts family relationships and friendships, even affecting on
society.Change preposition
apply
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coherence cohesion
It is crucial that your essay maintains a clear and logical structure throughout. Your introduction provided a general overview, but it could have included a stronger thesis statement outlining the main points that the essay will cover. The body paragraphs should each begin with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the respective paragraph's content. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that your examples directly support the main idea of each paragraph. When concluding your essay, summarize the main points clearly and offer a cohesive final thought or recommendation.
task achievement
Your essay responded to both parts of the prompt by explaining why people might not have enough time to spend with family and friends and discussing the effects of this on family life and society. However, the development of ideas was at times superficial. To improve task achievement, you should aim to explore each point in greater depth and back them up with specific examples. Make sure each idea is explored thoroughly before moving on to the next point. Finally, while your conclusion addressed the topic, try to make it more impactful by clearly summarizing the overall argument with clear implications or recommendations.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example