IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

People are encouraged to get rid of things in order to get newest fashion and the latest Technology.Do the disadvantage of this trend outweigh its advantage.

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In the contemporary world,
people
Use synonyms
 are driven by the cult of constant craving for up-to-date trends and technologies, resulting in a
waste
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 of resources. It is my contention that
this
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 tendency has a staggering amount of drawbacks that trigger the occurrence of other inferior factors like creating
waste
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, mismanagement of finances and potential loss of value. To embark on the first salient negativity associated with trendsetters,
this
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 negative propensity causes individuals to adapt newest releases in fashion and technology industries to stand out from others. To cite an example, a majority of
people
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 who are religiously pursuing market trends are ready to throw away their current gadgets in order to purchase an upgraded version of them regardless of their economic conditions. Having said
people
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's economic status, these early adapters take a high interest in just owning a new technology or designer goods
such
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 as shoes and suits.
Consequently
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, they find themselves buckling under the weight of mounting credit expenses, eventually compelling them to sell off their items at a considerably lower price to reimburse some part of these expenses at a great loss. Another downside result of
this
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 trend is consumer-driven obsolescence.
As a result
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 of continuous preference for a new version of an item, a substantial amount of technological
waste
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 has been accumulated over the years, posing a formidable threat to the surrounding environment.
For example
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, scrap yards in developed countries are running out of empty spaces to process all technological
waste
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 which is predominantly fueled by the volume of
waste
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 generated by
people
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 who are invariably upgrading in consumer products
such
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 as TVs and kitchen robotics. In conclusion, bearing in mind the impact of the aforementioned pain points, I advocate the fact that the demerits of
this
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 trend surpass the negligible advantages.

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task achievement
Ensure the essay directly addresses the question posed, stating clearly if the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Your position is clear but stating your view more explicitly in the introduction can enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking phrases and transition words to guide the reader smoothly between ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
In cohesion, ensure paragraphs are structured clearly with a main idea introduced at the beginning and then developed. Also, avoid overusing certain words which can decrease cohesion.
task achievement
Adding a brief paragraph discussing the potential advantages of the trend, even if to refute them, can provide a more balanced view and fully address the task question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumerism
  • Disposability
  • Sustainable fashion
  • Technological advancements
  • Environmental degradation
  • Economic implications
  • Cultural shift
  • Innovative solutions
  • Planned obsolescence
  • Financial burden
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