You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, the number of
children
who suffer from obesity is increasing, particularly in rich nations. There are several reasons that lead to this
issue, and this
phenomenon will have a negative impact on children
's health. The forthcoming essay shall discuss the causes and effects of this
problem.
There are many factors which are involved in children
overweight. Firstly
, children
, who are living in developed countries, are surely surrounded by the latest technology that forces them to become less mobile. As they are sitting in front of the television and playing video games for hours. Secondly
, their nutrition routines are so unhealthy, that the majority of youngsters consume lots of hidden saturated fat and sugar in their meals and snacks. For example
, in the past children
ate fruits and vegetables for their evening snacks, however
, today they tend to drink artificial orange juice instead
of orange.
The children
becoming obese would have the
number of impacts on their lives. Correct article usage
a
To begin
with, being excessively fat as a child might affect him
or her heart function, Correct pronoun usage
his
also
diseases such
as high blood pressure and cholesterol might become an issue from early childhood. Apart from physical disorders, obesity will have a negative impact on their mental health and might lead them to isolation and depression.
In conclusion, due to
the excessive access to modern gadgets in the wealthy nations, the children
's activities decrease noticeably. This
leads them to face lots of physical and mental problems. In my opinion, their parents should address some solution in order to solve the problem.Submitted by Negar_seddigh on
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Language Use
To further improve, try integrating a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures. This not only enhances the readability of your essay but also demonstrates your language proficiency.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. While you mentioned the change in snack preferences and the impact of technology, elaborating on these examples or providing data can make your argument stronger and more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas more clearly by dedicating separate paragraphs to each cause and effect. This structural approach will improve the coherence of your essay and make it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion were both effectively written, providing a clear overview and summary of your main points. This is crucial for engaging the reader and effectively wrapping up your arguments.
Content
You've tackled both sides of the issue by discussing the causes and effects of children becoming overweight in developed countries. Addressing the topic from multiple angles enriches your essay.
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