IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

some people think that ambition is essential for success. To what extent do you agree?

#people #ambition #success
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Several
individuals
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 believe that
ambition
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 is crucial for
success
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. In
this
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 essay, I will provide the idea that
ambition
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 is part of the
success
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 factor,
likewise
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 other causes that contribute to the
success
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 of a person.
Ambition
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 is like an energy or motivation to keep going forward reaching some goals. It influences
individuals
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' lives, attitudes, and behaviours, both positively and negatively.
Ambition
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 can inspire hard
work
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, perseverance, and dedication which can lead to an increase in
people
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's personal and professional lives.
For example
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, an employer of a certain company wants to take a training class to upgrade his skills, so he can get a higher chance of promotion or other opportunities.
On the other hand
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, excessive ambitions may lead to toxic behaviours
such
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 as being overly competitive, chasing
success
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 at any cost, or overworking.
Furthermore
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, these states of mind can cause
people
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 to burn out and develop anxiety and depression.
Ambition
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 is not only the key to
success
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, but it is
also
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 important to have other traits that help
people
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 succeed,
such
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 as hard
work
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, perseverance, and long-term thinking.
Ambition
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 without hard
work
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 will not bring about
success
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.
Moreover
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, it will remain as a concept and there is no practical movement being done. Meanwhile, perseverance is needed when doing some
work
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 to reach the goals in the long journey. Knowledge is
also
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 crucial if we want to aim for something.
For instance
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, it helps
individuals
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 to understand their role and industry or it can enhance
people
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's problem-solving abilities. In conclusion,
ambition
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 is not enough to help
people
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 reach their objectives and
then
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 lead them to
success
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.
Additionally
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, other critical skills are
also
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 needed to ensure the
success
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 of
individuals
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.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is great. Consider adding more transition phrases between paragraphs and within them to improve the flow of your arguments.
Task Achievement
You've presented a balanced view by acknowledging that ambition, while important, isn't the sole factor for success. Enhance your response by incorporating more varied and specific examples to fully support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
To further improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly linked to the question prompt. This will help maintain a focused argument throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, consider expanding on how ambition interacts with the other traits you mentioned. For example, you might explore how ambition drives hard work or how ambition and knowledge work together towards achieving success.
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