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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

People doing dangerous sports activities like scuba diving and bungi jumping, they should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #activities #scuba #bungi #life #rescue #workers #risk #lives
some
people
 assume that emergency workers should not help
people
 who practise hazardous sports over their life because
this
 is their own life and they must maintain their responsibility.In my perspective,
this
 is a very egotistic thing and a harmful act for the community.
However
, there are some situations the helpers team can not participate in.
To begin
 with, As we know saving and helping
others
' lives in every situation whether on tough tasks or normal things is the relief workers liable
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
In addition
, they choose to be in
this
 job and to be available all the time to help
others
.
Thus
, they should be meticulous and faithful in their work.
Moreover
, some
people
 like to try new experiences even if it is dangerous or hard to do and they do not expect to be injured.So they can not help themselves in
this
 situation and they will need the rescue workers. To illustrate, some children or teenagers want to endeavour scuba diving or other sports alone without their parents so the rescue employee should be with them in
this
 way participation.
Furthermore
, Sometimes there are problems between the public and they get hurt by each other.
For instance
, rescue
people
 will be infected with them if they try to be between them.
Thus
, they should call the police station to solve
this
 problem and to punish them.
To sum up
 ,Helping
others
 is a humanitarian and charitable work to save
others
’ lives.as it will encourage
others
 to help each other.and
this
 makes it a vital addition to the community.
Submitted by bashayeralamer on

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your thesis in the introduction so that the reader immediately understands your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas are logically connected. This can be improved by using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should effectively summarize your main points and restate your thesis in a new way. Make sure it leaves a strong final impression.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which shows an effort to provide a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear attempt to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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