Some people think children should do extra-classes after school. Others disagree and say they should play sports outside their school hours. What is your opinion on this? Suggest healthy ways for children to develop.

#people #children #extra-classes #school #sports #hours

Many people believe that children should study some extra activities after

school

lessons.

On the other hand

, some people disagree with

this

point of view and claim that it would be better for

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation to play

sports

after their

school

day

. As for me, I side with the latter group of people. First of all, physical activity is really important for children's health and development.

According to

current articles I have read,

childrenn

Correct your spelling

children

should walk or play some

sports

for at least an hour per

day

However

, during the

school

day

, pupils have to sit in classes for several hours and usually, the physical culture lesson takes place in the

school

timetable only two or three times per week which is obviously not enough.

That is

why it is crucial to organize some extra activities for pupils after their

school

time.

Moreover

, sport helps children to develop a wide range of

skills

For example

, my nephew is a member of a junior football team. Playing team

sports

helps him to develop his communication

skills

and learn how to work in a team.

Also

, as a sportsman, he has to build strong discipline and learn how to behave when you win or lose. All these

skills

will definitely help him in his adult life.

To sum up

, playing

sports

outside

school

hours helps not only to raise healthy offspring

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

develops various important

skills

in them. I reckon that pupils study enough during lessons and should free their minds and develop different parts of their bodies after a

school

day

Submitted by nzgvrv on Fri Feb 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

Reinforce your argument with a wider variety of examples and evidence to further support your main points. While the personal example of your nephew adds a personal touch, integrating statistics or findings from credible studies could enhance your argument's validity.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph seamlessly transitions into the next. You might consider using more varied transitional phrases to guide your reader through your argument more smoothly. This enhances the overall flow of your essay.

Task Achievement

To improve your task achievement score, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt fully. While you have provided a clear opinion and supported it, offering a balanced view by briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint before refuting it can make your argument more comprehensive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

complement
curriculum
personalized attention
holistic development
resilience
balanced lifestyle
well-rounded development
faculties
socially adept
creative arts
outdoor exploration
empathetic
adaptable

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?
Today, there are still some nations where female suffrage is prohibited. As a woman, I just can say that I am totally against this kind of discrimination because females deserve the same civil rights as males.
7.5
band
Should the government fund the education and healthcare system? What is your opinion?
It is irrefutable that a country's growth largely depends on how educated and healthy its citizens are, and therefore some people suggest a free and state-provided healthcare and education system. The burgeoning population and the lack of funds, however, often make it harder for the authorities to bear the expenses. Therefore, I disagree with the opinion stated and believe that an effective solution, in this case, would be to divide the expenditures between the government and the individuals.
5
band
You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to the college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: • say why he / she would not enjoy going to college • explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/ her • suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her
I hope you are well. I'm writing to tell you about opinions about go to the college or try to get a job.
8.5
band
Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live.
In the past 50 years technologies have made a huge leap forward and have penetrated into many aspects of our lives. This has led to the division of society into 2 groups: those who believe that these changes are beneficial in many ways, while others are worried about our dependence on innovations. In this essay, I will discuss both opinions and share my outlook.
6
band
Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extend do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?
Differences between countries are turning to less plain. In the present day, people come across the same video. This writer argues that the drawbacks of they will lose their nation's culture and they will live in a foreign culture outweigh the benefits of people are easy to find people who have the same hobbies.

Some people think children should do extra-classes after school. Others disagree and say they should play sports outside their school hours. What is your opinion on this? Suggest healthy ways for children to develop.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In some part of the world, women are not allowed to vote. What is your opinion about this ?

Should the government fund the education and healthcare system? What is your opinion?

Some people believe that technology has led to many positive developments in their lives, while others think technology is gradually taking over control of the way people live.

Differences between countries are becoming less evident. Nowadays people are watching the same films, fashion, brands, advertisements and TV channels. To what extend do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages?