Some people think children should do extra-classes after school. Others disagree and say they should play sports outside their school hours. What is your opinion on this? Suggest healthy ways for children to develop.

#people #children #extra-classes #school #sports #hours

Many people believe that children should study some extra activities after

school

lessons.

On the other hand

, some people disagree with

this

point of view and claim that it would be better for

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation to play

sports

after their

school

day

. As for me, I side with the latter group of people. First of all, physical activity is really important for children's health and development.

According to

current articles I have read,

childrenn

Correct your spelling

children

should walk or play some

sports

for at least an hour per

day

However

, during the

school

day

, pupils have to sit in classes for several hours and usually, the physical culture lesson takes place in the

school

timetable only two or three times per week which is obviously not enough.

That is

why it is crucial to organize some extra activities for pupils after their

school

time.

Moreover

, sport helps children to develop a wide range of

skills

For example

, my nephew is a member of a junior football team. Playing team

sports

helps him to develop his communication

skills

and learn how to work in a team.

Also

, as a sportsman, he has to build strong discipline and learn how to behave when you win or lose. All these

skills

will definitely help him in his adult life.

To sum up

, playing

sports

outside

school

hours helps not only to raise healthy offspring

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

develops various important

skills

in them. I reckon that pupils study enough during lessons and should free their minds and develop different parts of their bodies after a

school

day

Submitted by nzgvrv on Fri Feb 23 2024

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Task Achievement

Reinforce your argument with a wider variety of examples and evidence to further support your main points. While the personal example of your nephew adds a personal touch, integrating statistics or findings from credible studies could enhance your argument's validity.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph seamlessly transitions into the next. You might consider using more varied transitional phrases to guide your reader through your argument more smoothly. This enhances the overall flow of your essay.

Task Achievement

To improve your task achievement score, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt fully. While you have provided a clear opinion and supported it, offering a balanced view by briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint before refuting it can make your argument more comprehensive.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

complement
curriculum
personalized attention
holistic development
resilience
balanced lifestyle
well-rounded development
faculties
socially adept
creative arts
outdoor exploration
empathetic
adaptable

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Some people think children should do extra-classes after school. Others disagree and say they should play sports outside their school hours. What is your opinion on this? Suggest healthy ways for children to develop.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The concept of success has varying interpretations. Some individuals attribute success to hard work and determination, while others emphasize factors such as wealth and physical appearance as being more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

When new cities are planed it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities than shopping malls. Do you agree or disagree

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's society, the media plays a significant role in shaping public opinion and influencing people's behavior. However, it also has its drawbacks. What problems can arise from the media's influence, and how can these issues be addressed?