Working parents strive to achieve a balance between career and family, but only a few manage to achieve it. What is the reason according to you? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples.

era, parents
Verb problem
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most of their time
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their professionals and it is readily apparent that they are not able to have a balance in their spheres of life and career.
essay will express the factors of
phenomenon and some practical solutions. To clarify the reasons for
issue, the aspects of it are going to be assessed through two critical factors, which are individuality and occupational conditions.
due to
social media, the individual’s interpretation of welfare has been changed.
In other words
, the luxurious lifestyle and ambitiousness are attributed to
change from plainness to luxuriousness.
, a heavy workload is demanded by employers, and some employees are incentivized by the high salaries which
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favourable for a new lifestyle.
For instance
, hiring more is not ideal for Iranian companies, they tend less hiring with enormous extra hours.
related problem can best be counted by main authorities and
in person, too. The government should intervene in employers’ hiring set-up
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legislating limited working time. It could prevent employers’ abuse of workers.
In addition
, people should comprehend the necessity of their life is not just money.
On the other hand
, consuming too much time on careers has an awful influence on their health and relationships. It has been proved that a healthy lifestyle contains 8, 7, and 9 hours of working, resting, and amusing. To recapitulate, people should not indulge in their work life or family, especially parents who have a critical role in educating children.
can be combated by authorities’ support and parents’ attitudes.
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Task Achievement
Focus more on developing your main points with a balanced approach between causes and solutions. While you've provided good insights, delving further into specific, real-world examples can significantly elevate your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear logical sequence throughout your essay. While your essay has an appreciable structure, you can enhance readability by more explicitly transitioning between ideas and paragraphs. Consider using a wider range of connective words and phrases.
Coherence & Cohesion
Invest effort into refining your introduction and conclusion for a stronger impact. Your introduction sets a good context, but it could more directly address the essay question. Similarly, aim for a more powerful concluding statement that encapsulates your arguments and insights effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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