IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#aim #science #people #lives
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There have been conflicting opinions on whether the ultimate aim of
science
Use synonyms
 is to increase the quality of human civilization. I completely agree with
this
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 statement because
science
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 brings
people
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 for better living and jargon
such
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 as
science
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 for
science
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 is dangerous for humanity. Scientific research brings
people
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 to a better
life
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. Previously, before the scientific revolution in the 15 century, human civilization in many parts of the world used supernatural approaches in determining their
life
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.
This
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,
for example
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, they believed that rain was God's tears and storm was God's anger.
Consequently
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, their
life
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 was surrounded by irrational beliefs.
However
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, after
scientists
Replace the word
scientific
show examples
 discoveries
such
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 as Einstein, Rene Descartes, and Emanuel Kant,
people
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 have been moving to a rational approach.
Science
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 has a special role in human development in which
people
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 are more likely to use scientific works for their day-to-day lives. In order to see the weather,
for instance
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, they do not use ancestor beliefs
instead
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 rely on weather information from the government. Another reason is that the jargon
Use synonyms
science
Change preposition
of science
show examples
 for
science
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 is harmful to human lives. Nowadays, there have been many countries that develop nuclear production
such
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 as the USA, England, Iran, and Germany. Considering the negative effects of
this
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 technology, particularly for war, it is important for scientists to take human lives into consideration as the priority rather than just winning a war.
In addition
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 to
this
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, academic communities should be the guardians against using
such
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 technology for war and other destructive objectives. The objective of scientific discoveries is to improve human
life
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 because
science
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 brings
people
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 to
life
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 better and it is harmful when scientific communities just use the jargon of
science
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 for
science
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 without considering human orientations.
Submitted by salwafahanim on

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structure
Maintain a clear and consistent structure throughout your essay. Your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-organized, which makes your argument easy to follow.
language
Avoid using vague or overly complex language that might confuse readers. Aim for clarity and precision in your expressions.
cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and enhance the flow of your essay.
support
Provide more detailed and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task response
Your essay clearly communicates your agreement with the statement, which is good for task achievement.
structure
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, demonstrating good coherence.
evidence
You have provided relevant examples to support your main points, which aids in the coherence and development of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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