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Band 6.5

In some places old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion

#places #age #cultures #youth
In many areas, the old are more valuable than the youth,
whereas
this
 situation is the opposite in some nations. Despite
this
 writer contending that the youth is more essential than the old, some individuals think that older
people
 are far more important than the young. One factor that needs
considering
Replace the word
consideration
show examples
 is that young
people
 are the main workforce of the economy of society. They play a key role in financial growth, not only for the companies but
also
 for countries.
Additionally
, the young population are more energetic and enthusiastic about their work, rather than their older counterparts. They are passionate about their jobs and devoted to getting promoted.
Hence
, as the main workforce, youth should be considered higher than the old.
However
, many
people
 argue that the old are more professional and skilful when compared to their younger counterparts.
Due to
 their lifetime, it is certain that older workers have more work experience which helps them a lot in work.
Although
this
 statement is true, the youths
also
 have their own advantages as they are more flexible and creative in dealing with difficult tasks.
Thus
, the younger is able to compete with older employees. Another reason is that young
people
 can come up with many innovations that the old might not think of. Because of their flexibility and creativity, these characteristics can help workers
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
create unique products or techniques, which can boost the company’s finances.
As a result
, their career will grow and get promoted with trust.
Therefore
, young
people
 are very critical for the company to innovate and succeed.
Hence
, young employees are more essential than their old counterparts to economic growth. In order to get as many benefits as possible, companies and employers should encourage and enhance them, rather than underestimate them.

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cohesion
You've structured your essay quite well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, improving transitions and signposting can make your argument flow more naturally.
supporting details
Your main points are supported with reasons, but incorporating more varied and detailed examples could strengthen your argument.
task response
You addressed the task directly and displayed a clear stance throughout your essay. Aim to explore opposing viewpoints with deeper analysis to fully cover all aspects of the question and enhance task response.
paragraph structure
To achieve greater coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that this idea is clearly stated at the beginning of the paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • repositories of knowledge
  • esteemed
  • insights
  • embedded
  • seeking advice
  • prioritizing
  • premium on innovation
  • dynamism
  • adaptability
  • technological advancements
  • entrepreneurs
  • pioneers
  • indispensable
  • stability
  • harmonious
  • progressive
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