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Band 7

If some people get a chance to choose between life without work and spending most of the time working, then they would choose not to work. Agree and disagree?

#people #chance #life #work #time
For some people job is like daily food , they even do not think of their life without it . Spending their time without making any effort seems alluring in a dream but not practical. I completely disagree with
this
 idea and in
this
 essay, I will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
 , it is said that a person's identity depends on his work .
for instance
, there are many creative fields in
this
 world . If we see teachers and artists, teachers teach students
moreover
 it's her identity .
On the other hand
 , uniqueness and creativity are the specifications of an artist .They both are known because of the quality of their profession.
However
 , for some people, their duties are their identification . They live for it. Another reason why I disagree with
this
 statement that people choose to live free without doing any work is that occupation is the main source of income
hence
 , it gives financial stability to individuals. As I see, if someone does not have a particular way of getting money in
this
 case he/she may indulge in illegal acts.
on the other hand
 ,there is an argument that living freely without doing any production is a good option.
As a result
 , it only leads to
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
show examples
 of individual recognition and a boom in unlawful activities. In conclusion, it is very important to spend most of the time in their field and do some kind of productivity . personally, I believe getting involved in some kind of activity is much better than staying idle.
Submitted by ketulgpatel1 on

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task achievement
Your essay makes a clear point about your stance on the topic, which is good. However, to improve task achievement, ensure that you fully address both sides of the argument more distinctly. While you touched on the opposing view, spending more time elaborating on it before stating why you disagree would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay flows smoothly from one idea to the next. Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay. This not only helps in connecting ideas better but also enhances readability.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical errors and punctuation, as these can disrupt the flow of your essay and impact clarity. Practicing sentence structure and using a variety of complex sentences can improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
For a richer task response, embed more detailed examples to support your arguments. While you mentioned teachers and artists, elaborating on these cases with more specific details would offer deeper insights and reinforce your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • constraints of employment
  • immerse
  • personal fulfillment
  • enhanced relationships
  • work-related stress
  • professional achievements
  • financial insecurity
  • societal backlash
  • cultural expectations
  • identity and worth
What to do next:
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