In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
It has become a trend that the
population
in the countryside is declining due to
individuals being more willing to move to metropolitan areas. However
, this
essay contends that this
may be more likely to cause certain detriments, especially in terms of survival problems and pollution
.
One primary reason is that excessive population
in urban regions could lead to humans hard to live. For instance
, in Hong Kong, because its capital has developed comprehensively, rural residents increasingly migrate to this
developed area, thereby improving their quality of life. However
, this
phenomenon results in that each human only has 0.93 m2 of space to survive. At the same time, the overabundant population
may have a higher likelihood of causing hygiene issues, increasing the risk of diseases, and ultimately making local people fall into a vicious cycle. Therefore
, it is unsurprising that overpopulation might lead to some serious effects.
Another crucial reason is that the abundant population
in some cities might cause some pollution
. This
is because the public consistently utilizes different transport, such
as vehicles, trains and aeroplanes, which will generate considerable emissions. For example
, in Beijing, due to
excessive population
, the local emissions have exacerbated their atmosphere, decreasing the visibility of this
area. Moreover
, noise pollution
is another hazardous factor, which comes from public transit, and may affect humans' emotions. This
effect is more likely to deteriorate the social harmonic aspect as well as
disrupt residents' physical and mental development.
In conclusion, despite the fact that migrating to some developed metropolitan regions can have a higher likelihood of enhancing the quality of life, this
may eventually lead to overpopulation. Furthermore
, overpopulation would result in some drawbacks, particularly in survival difficulties, and other types of pollution
.Submitted by daniellin0717 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and answers the question, but the clarity and depth of your ideas could be improved. Try to develop your arguments with more specific details and clearer examples.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, make sure the transition between ideas is smooth and logical. Consider using transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay contains several relevant examples, but they could be more elaborated to fully support your main points. Try to explain your examples in more detail and link them clearly to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provide specific examples to support your arguments, which is effective in illustrating your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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