Some believe that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #children #freedom

It is argued that

children

are given excessive

freedom

in the present day.From my point of view,I partly agree with

this

idea because they do have

many

Correct quantifier usage

show examples

choices than before. On the one hand,nowadays,

children

spend countless hours on video games,entertainment,

family

Correct word choice

and family

show examples

parties.

Morever

Correct your spelling

Moreover

,a lot of young

children

do not have

parents

it follows that they do not have strict rules and young

children

spend time games,

club

Fix the agreement mistake

clubs

show examples

,getting involved in drug addiction or

children

have too much

freedom

to bully other

peer

Fix the agreement mistake

peers

show examples

either online or

school

Change preposition

in school

show examples

These kind

Change the determiner

This kind

These kinds

show examples

freedom

to be cruel leads to hurt for others.

On the other hand

,many young

children

go to school and their

parents

want to go to

extraclass

Correct your spelling

extra classes

As a

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

children

Change preposition

apply

show examples

feel

over burdened

Correct your spelling

overburdened

show examples

with their hectic lives.But they are

pleasent

Correct your spelling

pleasant

with

parents

in the future life.

Parents

should allow

children

their own choices.They should be allowed to choose their own field of interest.

For instance

,in China,many students are free to select subjects they are interested in as elective courses.

Besides

,being given more

freedom

can help to make them become

self-relient

Correct your spelling

self-reliant

.They are encouraged to make decisions on their own.

This

will

be undoubtedly be

Change the verb form

undoubtedly be

show examples

advantageous to their future life.

To conclude

,I agree that

todayʼs

Correct your spelling

today

children

have more

freedom

than in the past.Given more

freedom

children

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

many

adventageous

Correct your spelling

advantageous

advantages

than drawbacks.

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Thu Feb 29 2024

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task response

Ensure a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader through your argument. This helps in developing a coherent response to the essay prompt.

coherence and cohesion

Use a range of linking words and phrases to create a cohesive flow between sentences and paragraphs. Avoid overuse of the same connectors to enhance coherence.

task response

Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enrich your essay. This will also help in clearly conveying comprehensive ideas.

task response

Provide more detailed and explicit examples to support your claims. Using specific instances can significantly strengthen your argument and task response.

coherence and cohesion

Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and ensure proper punctuation. This will improve the overall readability and coherence of your text.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

210 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some believe that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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