In some pleces old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is believed that aged people provide more wisdom and have more experience in comparison which is why they have respect from other age members of the some communities.

However

, youths are considered

backbone

Add an article

the backbone

show examples

of society which decides the future of that particular group.

This

essay will evaluate both views and provide reasons.

Firstly

, it is the old ones that

provides

Change the verb form

provide

show examples

perspective to others.

This

means that they are the deciding factor on whether the younger ones will do something productive or will be

vision less

Correct your spelling

visionless

show examples

For instance

, if we look at the South Asian communities, that are connected with elders, are doing much better in gaining education, learning values and keeping their customs alive by performing it on

occassions

Correct your spelling

occasions

occasion

, if compared to Western countries.

Also

, in terms of experience

too

Rephrase

apply

show examples

, they provide knowledge based on their life's functioning which

benifits

Correct your spelling

benefits

the livelihood of coming generations.

However

, it would be incomplete to say that it is only the ones

are

Correct pronoun usage

who are

show examples

only

Rephrase

apply

show examples

considered valued who spend more years than others. It is essential to have youths, who are filled with energy and can provide an area with

excessive

Correct article usage

the excessive

show examples

amount of manpower they need.

Moreover

, they are an important aspect of

community

Correct article usage

the community

show examples

as it is upon them to shape the future. To expand

this

, our primary focus for a better civilization should be on kids and not on the older population.

To conclude

this

, I believe that it is the combination of both that makes a society complete and successful. So, both are equally important as it is the elders who shape the teenagers into becoming a better one.

Submitted by mannadarshpal13 on Thu Feb 29 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve your score in task achievement, aim to develop a clear response to the question throughout your essay. Each paragraph should directly address the prompt, and ensure that your opinion is distinctly stated and consistently supported.

Task Achievement

Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by providing more specific examples and ensuring that each paragraph directly supports your argument. Developing your points with detailed examples will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.

Coherence and Cohesion

For a higher coherence and cohesion score, focus on improving the logical flow of your essay. Use transition words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Ensure your introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly state your thesis and summarise your main points.

Coherence and Cohesion

To support your main points better, consider using a wider range of examples and ensure that they are detailed and directly relevant to the question. This will not only strengthen your argument but also make your essay more engaging for the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

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