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Band 5

In some pleces old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#pleces #age #cultures #youth
It is believed that aged people provide more wisdom and have more experience in comparison which is why they have respect from other age members of the some communities.
However
, youths are considered
backbone
Add an article
the backbone
show examples
 of society which decides the future of that particular group.
This
 essay will evaluate both views and provide reasons.
Firstly
, it is the old ones that
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 perspective to others.
This
 means that they are the deciding factor on whether the younger ones will do something productive or will be
vision less
Correct your spelling
visionless
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.
For instance
, if we look at the South Asian communities, that are connected with elders, are doing much better in gaining education, learning values and keeping their customs alive by performing it on
occassions
Correct your spelling
occasions
occasion
, if compared to Western countries.
Also
, in terms of experience
too
Rephrase
apply
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, they provide knowledge based on their life's functioning which
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 the livelihood of coming generations.
However
, it would be incomplete to say that it is only the ones
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
considered valued who spend more years than others. It is essential to have youths, who are filled with energy and can provide an area with
excessive
Correct article usage
the excessive
show examples
 amount of manpower they need.
Moreover
, they are an important aspect of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 as it is upon them to shape the future. To expand
this
, our primary focus for a better civilization should be on kids and not on the older population.
To conclude
this
, I believe that it is the combination of both that makes a society complete and successful. So, both are equally important as it is the elders who shape the teenagers into becoming a better one.
Submitted by mannadarshpal13 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in task achievement, aim to develop a clear response to the question throughout your essay. Each paragraph should directly address the prompt, and ensure that your opinion is distinctly stated and consistently supported.
Task Achievement
Enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas by providing more specific examples and ensuring that each paragraph directly supports your argument. Developing your points with detailed examples will make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
For a higher coherence and cohesion score, focus on improving the logical flow of your essay. Use transition words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs smoothly. Ensure your introduction and conclusion are strong and clearly state your thesis and summarise your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
To support your main points better, consider using a wider range of examples and ensure that they are detailed and directly relevant to the question. This will not only strengthen your argument but also make your essay more engaging for the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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