IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

By punishing murderers with the death penalty, society is also guilt of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? You should write at least 250 words. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#murderers #death #penalty #society #guilt #murder #life #prison #punishment
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"Do as I say, not as I do."
This
 is what
society
 tells us when it punishes
murderers
withthe
Correct your spelling
with the
death
penalty
.
Society
 tells us that murder is wrong, and in our legal system,
murderis
Correct your spelling
murder is
murderous
murders
 against the law. Yet we still see our
society
 kill
murderers
, and
thus
 we are committing murder ourselves.
For
this
 reason, the
death
penalty
 should end, and
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
murderers
 should be punished with life in prison.
Society
 needs to show a positive model of how our lives should be and how
peopleshould
Correct your spelling
people should
 act. We should always strive to improve our situation, to be at peace and
inharmony
Correct your spelling
in harmony
show examples
 with others.
However
, when we kill
murderers
, we are not working to
improveour
Correct your spelling
improve our
society
.
Instead
, we are stooping to the criminals' level. It makes me think about the revenge that came when playing games with my brothers. When we were kids/children, my brother would take my toys, so I would hit
himandtakemy
Correct your spelling
him and take my
 toys back.
Then
 he would hit me harder and take the toys again. Thinking of
thedeath
Correct your spelling
the death
penalty
, I imagine a murderer kills someone.
Society
 takes revenge by killing the murderer.
This
 leaves behind the murderer's family and friends, who have tremendous anger inside of them, which they may release onto
society
.
Thecycle
Correct your spelling
The cycle
 of killing goes on and on.
Society
 should not condemn people who are taking the same action that
society
 is taking.
Society
 tells us not to kill, and yet
society
 kills when it exercises the
death
penalty
. Because of
this
 contradiction, we should end the
death
penalty
 and
insteadpunish
Correct your spelling
instead punish
murderers
 by sentencing them to life in prison.
Submitted by gsgaganmann on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. This can be improved by consistently linking ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Introduce and conclude your essay effectively. Your introduction was clear, but refining your conclusion to re-emphasize your stance could make it stronger.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. While you provided a personal anecdote, incorporating broader or more varied examples can add weight to your arguments.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your response is complete and addresses all parts of the task. You've responded to the question, but discussing both sides of the argument could provide a more balanced view.
Task Achievement
Aim for clear, comprehensive ideas throughout your essay. Some points may benefit from further clarification or deeper analysis to convey your perspective more effectively.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more relevant, specific examples to strengthen your arguments. While personal examples are valuable, adding factual or hypothetical examples related to society at large could enhance your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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