IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that a good diet and exercise are not necessary for a healthy and long life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is claimed by some people that a good diet and exercise are not necessary for a healthy and long life. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement, as having a terrific meal plan and engaging in physical
activity
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 are key factors in achieving a healthy livelihood. The following are the reasons supporting my thoughts on
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, maintaining a well-balanced dietary regimen means that food should be equally divided throughout the day and include essential components
such
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 as vitamins, minerals, carbohydrates, fats, sugars, and more, but in the right amounts. When I mention the "right amount," I mean that a product may be rich in one component but could
also
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 contain others in large quantities, potentially having adverse effects on the body.
For instance
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, products like vitamin water or coconut water,
while
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 beneficial for hydration
due to
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 electrolytes,
also
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 contain excessive amounts of sugar, which can lead to heart problems and high blood pressure.
Therefore
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, it is essential to have a well-planned food calendar for a healthy lifestyle.
Secondly
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,
in addition
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 to a proper diet, individuals should focus on regular exercise to burn calories and maintain fitness. It is crucial for an individual to ensure that the level of physical
activity
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 is directly proportional to the calorie intake;
otherwise
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, one may face obesity, which can be the root cause of various health-related issues
such
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 as breathing problems, lethargy, and even mental health issues.
For instance
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, those working in the trucking industry often face
this
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 issue, as they spend long hours sitting and driving without much physical movement. It appears that individuals who engage in more physical work and regular exercise tend to be healthier. In conclusion, having a good diet and engaging in physical
activity
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 are necessary for a better life. To achieve
this
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, it is essential to invest time in planning what to eat and determining the appropriate level of physical
activity
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 to promote longevity.

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction effectively presents your thesis statement and outlines your arguments. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
Paragraph Development
Develop each paragraph around a single main idea, using topic sentences to introduce the idea, supporting sentences with specific details, and a concluding sentence to summarize the idea or transition smoothly to the next paragraph.
Transitions
Link ideas between paragraphs using appropriate transitional words or phrases to enhance the logical flow of your essay, such as 'firstly,' 'secondly,' or 'in conclusion.' This aids in coherence.
Supporting Details
Ensure each body paragraph fully develops and supports the main idea or argument introduced in its topic sentence. Include more specific examples and details to strengthen your arguments.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, succinctly restate your thesis and main arguments. Consider including a forward-looking statement or a call to action, which can provide a strong finish to your essay.
Task Response
While your essay addresses the task, including a broader range of examples and exploring the nuances of the debate more deeply could improve your task achievement score. Show the complexity of the issue by acknowledging potential counterarguments and refuting them with evidence.
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