Today, children spend a lot of their free time watching TV. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

#children #time #tv

Nowadays kids spend a lot of their free time watching

at home.

This

essay will argue that the advantages of

this

do not outweigh the drawbacks. The essay will first demonstrate the harmful effects on

children

’s eyes

due to

watching

, and the impact on kids’ health

due to

the development of a sedentary lifestyle, followed by an analysis of critics’ arguments who believe that watching

improves the cognitive

abilities

children

. Televisions have very adverse effects on

children

’s eyesight

due to

the emission of blue light from the digital screen.

As a result

, many

children

whose eyesight is weak have to start wearing spectacles at a very early age, and it

also

affects their level of concentration.

Furthermore

, many

children

love having oily snacks and soft drinks

while

watching

for long hours. These habits badly affect their health and make them lazy.

For example

, obesity rates in

children

have risen by 50% in the

last

decade.

However

, some people argue that watching

can improve cognitive

abilities

children

because they can get knowledge of various subjects like history, science, arts etc. It might be true to some extent if

children

choose to watch these types of channels on

On the contrary

, most of the

children

waste their time watching cartoon channels.

Moreover

, reading books on various subjects is far more effective than watching

to improve cognitive

abilities

. In conclusion, advantages like improvement in cognitive

abilities

children

cannot outweigh the major disadvantages of watching

like harmful effects on eyesight and development of a sedentary lifestyle in

children

Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on Fri Mar 01 2024

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Introduction

Make sure your introduction clearly states your stance and outlines the key points you will be discussing. Your introduction does a good job at this but could be more concise.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly and make your argument easier to follow. You've done a good job, but incorporating more could enhance readability.

Supporting Evidence

Try to support your arguments with specific examples or data wherever possible. Your essay mentions general statements, but concrete examples would strengthen your argument.

Task Response

For a stronger Task Achievement score, ensure each paragraph clearly contributes to answering the prompt. Be careful not to contradict your own argument without a clear resolution.

Balanced Discussion

When discussing advantages/disadvantages, ensure you explore both sides to maintain a balanced perspective, even if you have a strong opinion. This will add depth to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Today, children spend a lot of their free time watching TV. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Your opinion

Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minority community. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The growing number of refugees and displaced persons is a global concern. What measures can be taken to support these individuals and address the root causes of forced migration?

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, people are now getting married at a later age than they did thirty years ago. What are the main reasons for this change, and what effects might it have on society.

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries.Some people think this is good for country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount of people can earn. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.