IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

An increasing number of professionals such as doctors and teachers are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

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In poor
countries
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, more and more
experts
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 are leaving for developed
countries
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 in order to earn a living there. From my perspective, there will be some problems either in poor
countries
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 or developed
countries
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 , especially with
population
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 and limited
experts
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. Despite that impact, I will provide some solutions which can be considered. The following paragraphs contain explanations of these two things. First and foremost, if the doctors and
teachers
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 leave their poor
countries
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 and prefer to get some job in developed
countries
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, it might cause some impact including
population
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 increase and a lack of
experts
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 in each field.
Firstly
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, the density of the
population
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 in developed
countries
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 will experience a significant increase so it can be another intense competition in careers between professionals.
For instance
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, many hospitals in Indonesia lost their
experts
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 who already
work
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 in developed
countries
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such
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 as Australia and the USA for reasons to enhance their life quality.
Secondly
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, developing
countries
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 will face some issues that concern a lack of capable
teachers
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, so the government should be attracting
teachers
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 from abroad. Align with
this
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, the budget allocated for improving the expert's skills will take over to pay the abroad professionals.
In addition
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, to deal with that condition, governments in developed
countries
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 should strengthen the regulation that concerns legal permits for immigrants to stay.
For example
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, Singapore’s Government have a regulation which states that immigrant can not
work
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 in Singapore if they do not marry Singaporeans and finish their
work
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 permit there,
such
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 strict rules.
Moreover
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, in developing
countries
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, the authorities should increase the standard income for doctors and
teachers
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 to keep attracting them to stay and
work
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 in their own country. By raising the salary, the
experts
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 can achieve their quality of life better than before, so they feel like receive equality in the employment aspect.
To conclude
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, I once again reaffirm that either in poor
countries
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 or developed
countries
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, both have some impact on losing their doctors and
teachers
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 who are highly expert in that field and even the
population
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 issue that increases more and more. So, the best approach is from the government and all stakeholders that are in charge of it.

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Introduction
Ensure a clear and concise thesis statement that directly addresses the essay question.
Body
Use specific examples to illustrate your points effectively. General statements should be supported by specific details or data whenever possible to strengthen your argument.
Coherence
Use transition words and phrases like 'Firstly', 'In addition', and 'To conclude' to guide the reader through your essay, making your argument flow more logically and cohesively.
Tone
Maintain a formal tone throughout the essay. Avoid colloquial expressions and informal language to ensure your writing is suitable for an academic context.
Grammar
Proofread your essay for grammatical mistakes and ensure that your sentences are clear and error-free. Pay special attention to sentence structure, verb tense consistency, and punctuation.
Conclusion
Work on developing a more nuanced conclusion that goes beyond simply restating the essay’s introduction. Aim to synthesize your main points in a way that highlights their significance in relation to the essay question.
Development of ideas
Try to elaborate further on the strategies developed countries could implement besides strengthening immigration regulations. Also, consider adding more variety to your solutions for developing countries beyond increasing wages.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Skilled professionals
  • Healthcare systems
  • Education systems
  • Economic growth
  • Dependency on foreign aid
  • Social inequality
  • Quality healthcare
  • Quality education
  • Retain talent
  • International cooperation
  • Sustainable growth
  • Scholarships
  • Professional development
  • Remote work capabilities
  • Local research funding
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