IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proposition of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proposition of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
#proposition #population #three #countries
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph below illustrates the distribution of age 65 population data in three countries from 1940 to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, the statistics display a major change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the population number with a
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
 rise over a 100-year interval. At the outset of the period,
Japan
Use synonyms
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and the UK's percentage was below 10%.
Japan
Use synonyms
 started
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the lowest position with only 5%, followed by
Sweden
Use synonyms
 (6%) and the USA (9%).
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 took over the place and reached the peak
above all
Linking Words
 of the countries with 27%. Despite its significant climb,
Japan
Use synonyms
 remained at the lowest level for over 80 years before they
were dramatically rise
Change the verb form
dramatically rose
show examples
 between 2020 and 2040.
Sweden
Use synonyms
 and the USA had encountered
similiar
Correct your spelling
similar
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 with an unsteady elevation throughout the duration. Both countries experienced a prominent increase
while
Linking Words
 periodically had a slight drop during specific
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 they both had an increasing number of population,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 ultimately came after the UK and became the second highest rank
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the three nations.
Submitted by Qia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, sweden with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: