Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest for this issue?

Being petite is the new image of high-quality
women
in
media
over the
last
decades, especially for young girls. There are various factors that contribute to
this
problem;
Therefore
,
this
essay will provide some problems and effective solutions. First and foremost, the issue of being super thin is very harmful to
women
's health because it may harm their skin, their inner organs or even their feelings and cause them so many mental illnesses
such
as depression or anxiety.
In other words
, when females want to be thin, they eat less and eating less decreases their body's vitamins and proteins and it may be very dangerous for them.
For example
, a 2013 study from Harvard University showed that 63% of teens are in danger of mental problems only because of their diet. So, being thin may cause huge problems for
women
and girls. To solve those causes effectively,
firstly
, the government should take action, control the
media
and prevent social
media
from sparing these kinds of wrong information because it can definitely decrease the number of damages.
Secondly
, educating people is a fast way to tackle
this
issue and when females understand the ideal life better, they will choose the right way.
For example
,if we teach young students that being pretty has nothing to do with their size, we will have a better society.
Thus
, there are useful ways to solve
this
issue and we can use them easily.
To sum up
, the
media
is showing the wrong picture of an ideal woman to society and it can harm all the people. we can prevent
this
action easily by educating
women
and
as a result
, we can have a better life and healthier people.
Submitted by alikiadaah on

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task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, presenting the problems caused by promoting the image of young, thin women and potential solutions. However, make sure to clearly define and elaborate on each point to improve the clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. While the logical sequence is generally clear, the connections between the ideas can be further strengthened by using more transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
While the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, ensure it reinforces the essay's key arguments and conclusively wraps up your discussion. A slightly more detailed conclusion would further strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt by outlining specific problems and suggesting viable solutions. Addressing both aspects demonstrates a thorough understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and clearly presented, which helps in maintaining the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Examples provided, such as the Harvard study, effectively support the main points. This adds credibility to the argument being made.

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